In Search Of ...

The day once it was..

2012-01-06T15:44:00.003+05:30

Jan 6th, 2009.. everytime I think of that day, I just remember how much I cried ever in life so much that the tears weren't able to stop flowing. Three years past that day, so much has changed, except for one thing 'those memories'.

Those first 4-5 months of 2009 were like dieing every moment. The sadistic dps on social sites, sad thoughts, sad songs, emptyness at night.. I just had made sure that I am not going to come out of it. I don't know if I took more time than other people take to get normal after having a heart break. I missed having that single person in real life then, whom I could hug and cry. I still wish, that I had something to keep me busy back then, could had helped a lot.

When I think of those times, I wonder how much irritating it would had been to tolerate me for the people around me. Some gave advices, some were unsure if saying something would be right or not. In the end, I listened to only what I felt. Yet, those words of everyone got stored in memory.. everytime a incident would happen that would make their words look 'Correct'.

I also felt like majority people think, that you can't be friends with a person you love and in my case it was much more complex. There were times, when I felt weak and almost came near to message her.. but luckily stopped myself from doing it.

Its tough to go into a relationship again, yet I did and failed at it. I came to know that mentally I wasn't yet prepared for it, and backed out. I still ain't ready for a new relation, despite such long time goneby. If it has to happen, it would one day.. I won't force myself after what already happened.

I do regret some stupid comments I did make on her during those intial tough times. I failed to recognise my own faults in the relation, which happened much much later. Yet, how could a 3 yr relation not mean anything, and giving up so easily on me.. was something I couldn't understand ever. I could had actually gone anti-girl due to this. But, told myself.. one's mistake can't be generalised for all. The funny thing is, that for her our relation ended on 30th dec itself, while it didn't for me until my attempts went in vain when on this day she told some hard truths, or those essential words a ending relationship needs 'Its over, not possible now.'

Even though, a long time has passed now, there are days when I miss her a lot.. I feel vulnerable, the old times return to mind, flowing into those evergreen good memories. I make it a point to use twitter less at those times, dont like to turn anyone's mood off due to any sadistic stuff. It never looks good for a person on other end, who isn't going through it, yet may understand what it is. Also, I prefer to stay away from sad people, or when anyone has a mood swings because it affects me too. Its not easy to stay in a good frame of mind with people around you in a disturbed state.

This was a tough post to write, as while writing I could think of what all I had gone through. Thora sadistic ho gaya post, I know its painful to read such things as it happens with me too.. but once in a while chalta hai ...

Some people may find all this stupid, that I still think of her, remember her, love her. But, nothing in my life happened which could change this aspect. I may not be able to talk to her anymore though she is willing, her facebook profile helps me to get one glance of her once a while in months.

I can still feel her around, whenever I see couples or any movie or song where I connect in a romantic way... true feelings don't die that easily. I may have moved on from the bad part which came with this day, but she is still very much a part of my daily life.

------

Yash.

Resolutions 2012

2011-12-31T14:00:00.000+05:30

Time to make new resolutions. This time, I am asking myself a hell lot.. lets see kya hota hai ..

1. To watch 100 films in theatre.
a) 75 or more hindi films.
b) 25 or more english/regional films.

2. To watch all of the Top 250 Hollywood Films listed by Imdb. (only the unseen ones, which are in plenty)

3. To earn 15,000 per month by the end of the year.

4. To write reviews for every film I watch, whether new or old, hindi or english, reigional or world movie. Even if its a small analysis, but I have to write something on every film.

5. To avoid losing contacts with anyone I am friend or in touch with.

My prediction, I will snatch 5 out of 5 when I recap next yr 31st, on all these resolutions. Ab mujhe koi nahi rok sakta ... ;)

-------
Yash.

Recap 2011 : Bad Moments

2011-12-31T10:58:00.001+05:30

• The month of April was the toughest for me. I took some strong decisions, probably I take them every year now, just the month changes every time. It was also the month of hibernation, when I kept low. I unfollowed lots of people from twitter, some of them till date I have kept away from. Some things related to them started to bother me, and I don't like my peace of mind to be disturbed by anyone, not even friends.

• Also, in April.. I decided it was time to say goodbye to Orkut. Infact, this should had happened right after I lost trust in FF ppl. But, mistakes hoti sabse, and I did the same to trust again with BB. Again it got broken, with no support and priorties of ppl at other comms/personal life/twitter. It was just a matter of few months then, before I deleted all my accounts. All done and dusted now, I finally realized.. that everything has a time, the time I gave to Orkut is over. So, lets move on for the good.. plus it helped in not thinking about old things more often.

• In May, probably for first time in my educational life.. something this bad happened. And how much this situation resembled to an online incident. The teacher we felt believed in 'chamchagiri', and ofcourse me n my friends didnt. Hence, lots of arguements, taane and wrong doings happened from his side. And we reacted by complaining to the director of the college. And guess what the teacher said to us 'tumne mere ego ko hurt kiya hai'. Lol! The world is full of such people, and I for one won't mellow down ever. But yes, all this nonsense that month spoiled my peace of mind because as I always say, the time I was giving to the course was helping me stay away from net life to a certain extent. But, the best thing for me here was.. the support of 2 friends from same batch. And jaisa always hota hai, ek na ek kameena mil hi jaata hai in the group, and I stay away from that one till date!

• The late half of September upto the 1st half of October was the next hard time for me this year. Sometimes the stalking backfires, which happened here. Getting to see something shook me, disturbed me.. almost made me behave like a Dev.D for couple of weeks, with long beard, alcohol twice a week. Its not easy to accept someone's happiness when you know the happiness should/could had been very much different than it is. When, I saw Love Breakups Zindagi.. it helped, just to come out of that phase I had gone into. Though, it was stupid of me to think that its a end to everything. As, it wasn't... nothing is permanent except love. The mind had started to react wierdly, as if it had got a reason to believe in what everyone have been saying over the years, but few days later, the heart won over the mind once again..

• Some old memories attacks kept coming throughout the year, sometimes when I was with friends. But, I didn't let them notice it, a good pretender. Even in terms of my breathing problem, just twice I had terrible pain, once in April, other in December. The reason remains the same. ..

Overall, 2011 was much better.. Just 2 and half months that bothered the most, which is very much acceptable.

-------
Yash.

Recap 2011 : Good Moments

2011-12-31T10:58:00.000+05:30

Personal ---

• Going to Gateway of India at late night with friends, then roaming on empty roads watching police go around too nearby. To finish off, catching up the 1st local train in morning by running and getting in. Quite a fun day that was!

• Meeting Suhaila few times in Bombay, I got late first meeting though with reasons. Then, the film we saw together 'Chalo Dilli', unfortunately there was no other good option. For a person like me who talks less, such occasions tests me a lot.. and add to it some other stuffs that occupy my mind, related or not related to the meet. But, I tried to be part of conversations, and had some good time. It certainly was different from the online bond but with time it may improve. The Juhu Beach was the best along with all those food courts meet(specialised place).

• Watching Ra.One with family in theatre. My first film with family in theatre ever since I have grown up, and also my 1st 3d film. The film wasn't upto the mark, yet it was enjoyable to watch a film together on Diwali.

• All the time spent with colz friend, after end of class at a nearby restaurant where the owner doesn't mind us sitting for hours. Though, we keep ordering tea every 20-25 mins to tell we are letting you earn too. And then, those various good conversations, stupid conversations.. along with songs on my mobile. We still go there often when we meet, despite the end of classes. All this time helps in keeping away from net life.

• The 2nd half of October was very good for me, so much that it almost neglected how bad the 1st half went. Sometimes, the home environment makes me find peace with myself, plus I wasn't liking my room-mate so that also was one of major reason. Then, patching up with someone happened this month too. And, I re-visted a place where I spent 7 yrs of my school life. Even saw most of those friends on facebook, stalked a bit but couldn't get courage to say Hi, remember me. Its some 11 yrs gone by, so don't feel there's any point of talking with them. Their part in my life is over..

• The activeness I brought to blogs, which were so dead. More is to do with 'No Orkut', certainly helped. Still I lack the regular posting, which once achieved would make it the best.

• The dream to live on my own (though it will be fully achieved, when I start earning too) in Bombay was achieved this year. Had little problems in start, but now it feels so much managable. Bas khana ka prob rehta, I miss home food sometimes a lot.

• Revisit to Chembur on 31st dec, its so odd actually that I took 1 yr since been here in Bombay to go there. But, then the timing of visit has to be right which was the case this time. Sitting at the CCD gave strange kind of feeling. Usually, I dont go to CCD/Mcd/Kfc etc to have anything alone but not this time around. Everything was like a sweet recap of those 3 yr old memories, so I liked it.

• The mumbai rains, how funny it is that the time since I was here in Mumbai i.e December.. every day I was like aaj baarish ho. I simply love rains. And so many people I know who hate Mumbai rains, for the well known reasons. After a long wait, it came in May, and wow I said to see it. Till September, the rainy season was the enjoyable, most enjoyable part of my yr. Numerous times I got drenched, once even when I was suffering from fever.. I never care, agar bheegna hai toh bheegna hai! ;)

• Mumbai has been lucky for me in terms of winning online contests, a mug from dil toh baccha hai jee, a tshirt from luv ka the end, and a cd from agneepath. All this for a person, who has been always unlucky in winning contests n prizes.

Others ----

• World Cup Tournament, which brought back my cricket fever. South Africa were my fav team, but their exit at the quarter finals meant I will support India. What I loved the most was, lots of good interesting matches most of them involving England, plus good crowds except for minnows games. Only I wish, the semi final against Pakistan was tight game, not a easy one as it turned for India in the end. Loved the final dhoni innings, and yuvraj's unexpected form with both bat and ball. And was amazed to see the kind of happiness, joy and celebration that happened here both while winning semis against pakistan and final match against Sri Lanka. People including girls too are mad after India winning!

• Watching Rockstar 11 times in theatre, with 4 shows on Friday itself. Leaving asides the stupid comments of audience, all those 11 views were worth it.

Overall, 2011 had lots of good moments as compared to previous years.. .

-------
Yash.

Recap 2011 : Resolutions and What I learnt

2011-12-28T23:37:00.006+05:30

Things I learnt :

• To move on from broken friendships.
• A regret that has grown on me this year, probably I daily re-live it. I can't see it going in nearby future.
• Twitter should be used without over-caring what others may think, which I was doing previously. Just say what you feel in a good tone!
• I have a good resistance power. Though not easy, but I have done it successfully in various occasions.
• To openly and freely communicate with someone is very rare in my life. I gel with very few people in that way until now, both real and virtual life.
• I can't forgive some people who I found real bad in this net life. Even the meditations and hibernations I did this yr, couldn't let me remove all my anger. Trying to not think about them, is the only way out for me.

Resolutions I made :

1. To learn as much as possible about editing, and get a job by mid-year preferabbly in Mumbai only.
2. To watch more than 75 films(Hindi ones in theatre).
3. To remain the same and not change in a world where lots of individuals(mostly friends) change every year, its important that I continue to be myself irrespective of who likes me.
4. This one might be a regular resolution until it gets completed - To control anger over parents, friends and especially myself as so often I scold myself when in anger.

1st one, I did learn a lot.. but didn't get job yet. Actually, due to some reasons have tried out very less. Should definately get it in early 2012. So, 0.5 pts here.

2nd one, I ended up with 55 films. Its actually my best if compared with previous any year. Yet, target was 75.. so fell short by quite a margin. Won't take any point here.

3rd one, I think I did change, but not in the sense I wrote this point last year. Infact I doubt I would ever become like that. So, full 1 pt here. Plus I wont take such resolution again, yeh toh easily fulfill hona hai ..

4th one, this year I was less angry with parents n friends, also with me. Yea, when I think of few orkut ppl against whom my angst is still the same, I do get out of control which ofcourse ppl wont know in virtual life. Except for few 1-2 times, I behaved well with parents n friends. So, 0.5 pt here.

Grand Total Score : 2/4

I have done quite well, last year score was just 0.25.. hehe. But, what dissappointed me the most was, to get none for films one. I thought yeh wala toh me easily complete kar lunga, but it proved to be tough. Thanks to missing some films when I wasn't well, and some due to Mumbai rains. Kuch karna hoga next yr on this, as yeh resolution repeat hoga with few modifications making it more hard.

------

Yash!

Drastic Changes

2011-12-04T00:33:00.001+05:30

Its that time again for me, when I have to think of changes. As always, it may work or it may not. Sometimes I wonder what makes me do this, when all time I keep saying that I hate changes. Is it something I dislike about me that forces me, or is it the change in other people around me makes me do this, or its a feeling that comes to everyone that its time to change the same routines ?

Okay the changes first now ...

• Sleeping at 12:30 am(at max), and getting up at 7 am (at max). ---- Its actually funny for me to do this. Just few days back when I was watching one interview of Akshay Kumar saying best way to stay fit for him is sleep by 11 and get early in morning by 5 as raat ko keval ullu jaagte hai. I couldn't stop laughing at his comments not because he said anything wrong but I have never liked the fact that people actually think staying awake at night is bad. No, I ain't akshay kumar fan.. the reason for this change are plenty, one being the negative thoughts which come the most at night, other is I feel very tired at night hence all time gets consumed either tweeting or listening songs. So, I will now get time to read magazines, novels, watch films and study too.

• Final Hibernation of this year. ---- Keeping away from social sites for one week, reasons being I wanted to end all the pending work like updating blogs, filmfare issues to read (3 in total, ended one so far), novels(4-5, damn), films(no limit). Plus, I felt its time to stay away from people whom I know. Too much of influence ain't good. Need own space, some time with me in a positive way. To discover myself. Will end hibernation on 8th dec.

• Diet. ----- Just like my anger resolution every year, this diet is a regular change that features always for me. One more try, again I say something and do something else. I keep saying that we should eat whatever we love, and yet I want to get slimmer by reducing the no of times I eat every day. Also, 2 months back, I had successfully reduced having soft drinks for a week, then again started having it. So, going to try this one also once more. Maybe its time to watch films having coffee instead of pepsi. Waise, I would prefer some help whoever reads this blogpost for this change, do suggest me what diet I should opt for on daily basis, what to eat more, and what to avoid etc etc.

There are few more changes I am trying to do, which I won't list for some reasons. If I happen to succeed in them, then would tell after few months...

Good luck to me ...

-------
Yash ..

Quotes I follow/wanna follow

2011-12-03T12:25:00.001+05:30

These are some of the quotes from the book of meditation I got few months back. Whenever I feel low, or alone or I feel something bad about myself.. I love to read them and it helps.

• I do good. I intend good. I am good.

• I accept all of the parts of who I am. What I cannot accept, I forgive.

✔ I give love freely and expect nothing in return.

• I open my hand and release the world. I am here. I am all I need.

• I make myself happy by doing what I please.

• I need nothing from others but understanding. I give what I need to myself. Whoever loves me loves me. Who does not does not.

✔ I release my hurt. I allow the past to fade. I am here. My pain is gone.

• I am responsible for everything in my life. I am responsible for what I was. I am responsible for what I will become.

• I allow my memories to return and have their way. I let the past replay but do not live in it. I let old feelings flow through me on their way to peace.

• I let others be themselves. I allow room for disagreement. I savor the difference between myself and others and do not contest it. My victory is in being me.

• I accept that where I am is right, and that where other people are is right for them.

• I expect nothing but to be. I desire nothing but to learn. I am nothing but I am becoming everything.

✔ I remember that I am the world within. The outside world does not concern me. My world is filled with me.

• I take responsiblity for my life. I have the power to make things better. I always have a choice.

• I do not expect to be perfect. I learn from everything and everyone. Openly and freely I admit my mistakes. Without shame I correct them.

✔ I show my hurt when I am hurt so I can feel love the rest of the time.

• There is nothing between me and myself. The space is empty. There is room here for one more empty space, one more open person. If I find that person, how wonderful. If I don't, I am still with me.

• I am just where I have placed myself. I can move. I can stay. All I need is to know my heart and follow it.

The tick-marks are the ones that I am yet to follow completely. Rest very much the way I believe...

------
Yash.

Opinions - Right or Wrong ?

2011-12-02T10:33:00.001+05:30

I have a tendency of generalising things, forming opinions from smallest action I see(usually I don't go by what I hear, it can be manipulated). Is it right to make opinion about various people ? I have heard that quote a lot 'Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things and small people talk about people'. So, does that make me small, when I talk about people or say anything about a certain person. Doesn't many of you all do that too often ?

In past year or so, I have changed this habit to certain extent. More of that is for changing priorties, keeping busy. Its only during free time, when I do the over-thinking about people who no longer even exists in my life. Also, I prefer to keep the detailed thoughts of mine about people with me, feel not right to share it.

Whatever I see in every person, makes me wonder things about them.. it may be good or bad. That is one reason, I have had hate and love relationship with Twitter till now because people are themselves there and hence sometimes it gets hard to accept them.

Also, the opinion you have about people, should that be kept secret with you, or shared. If its good, you are more likely to tell that person(most of times I dont do that too), but if its bad, and you tell it, it may affect the relationship you are having with that person.

Everyone has certain opinion on every celeb, it should be limited to just their work, their craft. But, don't we go further to make assumptions of their behavior, attitude, how friendly they are etc etc through their interviews or public appearances. For eg : Kareena has always come as a super attitude girl in all the interviews I have seen her in, but for other people that wont be the case, they would say Kareena appears so friendly in all her interviews. So, a difference of opinion comes over a person.

So, just like we do with celebs, we do with the people we meet in our life too, make assumptions and opinions about them. For me, those opinions have so often been the reason for parting from them, and probably would be in future too. Because if in my opinion this person isnt right or good to have contact with, I cant keep friendship.

You can talk on a arguement and change it, but its hard to talk on a formed opinion. I haven't seen my opinions changed for people in past few years. I don't fully believe in Ist impression is last impression, there have been occasions, when I haven't liked a person initially and later became good friends with them.

I ain't completely sure that forming opinions on people is right or wrong. Somewhere, I feel it happens, no control over it. But yes, it shouldn't be done on a short notice i.e the opinion for me has to be based on lots of incidents combined.

Now, you can form opinion on me based on this post too.. thats how it goes!

Yash....

Being sad affects others

2011-11-09T01:32:00.003+05:30

Does it happen with you, that you see a person sad or broken or low.. at a time when you may had a very good day or you are in a very good mood ? And how do you react! Angry ? Or you try to understand the other person. I am talking mainly about the virtual life here.

So, should we bond more with people who are happy most of the times, and keep distance from the ones who sadden us. But, no one willingly tries to spoil other person's mood. The emotions don't have any control. Maybe, the best way out that keeps everyone happy is - 'Go missing'. Yea, if you are sad.. express it but don't over-express especially in public. Instead, find solution to your problems privately, or give yourself time so that you start feeling better. Why showcase yourself as a 'rondu' to the world ?

Sometimes its in form of status messages on Facebook, sometimes its the dp's you put, or the tweets you write on twitter, or the retweets you do. So many different ways we have to tell everyone that I am not in good mood. Now, take the real life. How many people would know if you are in bad mood, only the ones who either call you that time or meet you. Will rest know it ? No, and you wont bother telling either, as you know its not a thing to tell.

There are times, when I check which last blogposts I wrote.. because there should not be overdose of sad blogposts in a row. It not only creates monotonous tone, but also gives people a image 'Saala yeh hamesha, sad things pe hi likhta hai'.

I keep telling myself that try not to show too much of sadness, even if you are in a terrible mood right now. There was a time when I was overdoing it, and I didn't care that time what others think of it. But, now I do care. I still might do it on occasions. So, feel free to point out to me whenever you see I am going too much on sadistic tone, I wont mind it. It will help me to correct this side of mine. Its never good to make others unhappy just because you are unhappy. A true hard fact!

-------
Yash.

Holidays

2011-10-29T22:41:00.001+05:30

Yeh holidays word ka actual meaning only school and graduation time pe pata chalta tha. When Sat and Sunday used to be like such a big relief, or when festivals which I aneways dont like enjoy, use to be like golden days. Now, every day is a holiday until job mile.

I have come to Delhi for a 15 days break, from the Mumbai life. It was such a nice experience, as sometimes you need good people around you to get the peace, which I wasn't getting there due to some wrong person around. Plus the home food khaaye kitna time ho gaya tha.. The train journey again was uneventful, damn.. kabhi toh koi dhang ke log mile.

This Diwali, I saw Ra.One with family, my 1st film ever with parents. And 1st 3d film too. Though the film wasn't good quality wise, but entertainment wise it was enjoyable to me. Dad kinda of found it nice, mom found it below average but then she never likes Shahrukh. Khair, jo bhi ho.. was nice to see the film, bas theatre galat choose kiya.. idiots started film 1 hr late with no trailers.

And when Shahrukh film releases, how can there be no bashing ? Twitter pe I keep watching people saying one line tweet jokes or retweeting stuffs. But still I have to admit, its much better there than it was on orkut. The comms in orkut would have the bashers i.e immature kids all around posting nonsense. Its a huge sigh of relief to be away from such environment this time around, and it helps as I could enjoy the world of Ra.One more, so what if I rated it 'Average'. For me bashing is always uncalled for, that's the only reason when I dislike salman or akshay films, I keep telling myself .. remember how you act, otherwise you wont have right to question anyone else.

I have and I will always maintain a huge distance from people who bash films unnecessarily, be it friends. Galat kaam galat hota hai... Is it just me who believes that Shahrukh films get criticised more than Salman or Akshay ? I didn't write Aamir because he does masala films quite less, so expectedly very less bashing.

Waise did you notice, after long time I am actually writing a blogpost on various topics involved. I use to do this so often when I was leading the Punnu life (he he ).

I had ordered Chetan's novel Revolution 2020, but the idiots kept coming to deliver when I wasnt available, and then I left for Delhi. Huh, cancelled the order. If I plan to go to Connaught place tomorrow, then gonna buy it and also the Ranbir-Nargis Filmfare. I am so awaiting the rockstar film like those old days when I counted days to Chak de india or Tum Mile etc etc.

Also, I started that new hobby, to collect pictures from magz(especially filmfare), my favs one that is.. and post them on facebook album. Last time, the quality wasnt perfect, so will try to make it fine this time around. I know, best way is to cut and paste in diary or scrapbook.. but that's too much hardwork. And, why not instead share with everyone by facebook album!

Also, lately been talking to some people who were in no talking mode with me, or I was in that mode. Still, the list is huge. There's a quote 'Some ppl have a certain part in ur life, after that you should move on.. and not wait for them'. Maybe that holds true, because I see them quite happy. Not that I don't wanna see them happy, but still dont know why I find it wierd. This life keeps testing you so much, you have problems with almost every other person and then you are asked to deal with it, show me how you deal with these problems.

I don't think I am that good in dealing with them, so often I end up giving up on people. Little impatient, a bad quality of me..

Also, I had that childhood revisit to a place where I spent 7 yrs of my school life. I so loved walking through those lanes, all those shops, houses and the school. Funny thing, with every step, I was kinda of able to relate to so many old memories of that time. Only missed the friends who weren't there with whom most of those memories were.

Would be back in Mumbai at the end of 1st week of Nov probably, and the serious urge to get some work will begin. Its high time now. Also, its the best way to keep away from some unwanted people who somehow willingly or unwillingly keep disturbing my inner peace. All the time the battle is with myself...

Haaye the Naadaan parinda will be back soon with next update ...

-----

Anjaana dil and Beetein Lamhe

2011-10-24T01:38:00.000+05:30

These two songs I relate to a lot, especially for the time being ...

Anjaana Dil(from movie 'Dhokha' and sung by 'MM Kreem'), to me describes the unwillingness of the heart to accept happy moments. It keeps questioning you and your actions. The journey once filled with world around you, is now empty. The eyes are full of dreams and tears, due to the love. The heart keeps talking with you all the time ....

Anjaana dil kya jaane
begaana dil kya jaane
darr jaata hai kyun paake khushiyaan
yeh jo main beqarar hoon har lamha
ishq toh nahi
yeh jo mujhe bekhudi si hai tu jaise
mujh mein hai kahin ..

kabhi baahon mein hai duniya
kabhi khaali khaali raahein
kabhi bharta hai dil
thandi thandi aahein
kabhi aankhon mein hai sapne
kabhi palkon pe hai aansun
yeh ishq dikhaaye kaise kaise jaadu
kabhi dhoop kabhi barsaatein
kabhi tanha tanha raatein
mausam hai kitne aate jaate inn wafaayo ke

milna hai pal do pal ka
phir lambi hai tanhaayi
parchaayi se kat jaati hai parchaayi
kho jaata hai woh chehra
bas aati hai aawaazein
dil karta hai khud se hi aksar baatein
wahi pheeki pheeki subahein
wahi bojhal bojhal shaamein
mausam hai kitne aate jaate inn wafaayo ke .....

Beetein Lamhe(from movie 'The Train' and sung by 'Kay Kay') , is ofcourse the popular of these songs, and liked a lot by many people. It tells about the good memories of your past, how you feel nice thinking about them in your worst times, or perhaps in good times too. Even if the span of those nice times was short, you did have that phase in life. The time when you were together lost in each other's love. That was a time when you felt happiness all around, in every activity. But its no longer the same....

Dard mein ..
beetein lamhe
dard mein bhi yeh labh muskura jaate hai
beetein lamhe humhe jab bhi yaad aate hai ....

chand lamhaat ke waaste hi sahi
muskura ke mili thi mujhe zindagi
teri aaghosh mein din the mere kate
teri baahon mein thi meri raatein kati
wo o o o o aaj bhi jab woh pal mujhko yaad aate hai
dil se saare ghamo ko bula jaate hai ..

kis kadar tez raftaar thi zindagi
keh kahe har taraf thi khushi hi khushi
maine jiss din kahin pyar ki baat thi
ruk gayi thi achanak woh behti nadi
wo o o o o o aaj bhi jab woh din mujhko yaad aate hai
gujre lamhe jehen mein ubhar aate hai ...

ho o mere kaandhe pe sir ko jhukaana tera
mere seene mein khud ko chupaana tera
aake meri panaaho mein shaam o seher
kaanch ki tarah woh toot jaana tera
wo o o o o o o aaj bhi jab woh manzar nazar aate hai
dil ki veeraniyon ko mita jaate hai .....

-----
Yash...

Cricket - my 2nd love

2011-10-18T13:02:00.000+05:30

I wanted to write on this since very long, infact once I wrote almost entire blogpost and deleted the draft later without posting. Very tricky it was to put down my thoughts. This time, I am more clear about them..

Cricket fever for me started in 1995, much earlier than the film fever. It pretty much stayed there till 2003 world cup, after that it started to go down because the film fever was on a high. Till 2003 World Cup, I use to support India madly (still not as madly as the Indian supporters are) though at the same time good cricket game on offer was important for me. Then, came the Greg Chappell-Rahul Dravid era, which I hated the most.. my hatred increased with the kind of things these 2 people were doing at that time. It increased to such extent I started wanting India to lose every game, just to see these two people sacked. Ofcourse, it did happen though took a long time.

Now, the hard task was.. to again get back into that supporting mode. Because now I had developed new favourites, na it was not Australia, could never be them as I had a dislike towards them for their unbeatable journey, not giving anyone else a chance. That ofcourse isnt applicable now, which is a sigh of relief. Yea, so my favs were South Africa (it still is) and to some extent Pakistan.

I tried a lot supporting India, it did happen in some games, but in most of the games it didn't happen. Think of it, in 2011 Ind vs Pak semifinal.. for most parts I was supporting Pakistan in that game only because I found their team as strong as India. Now, I was no longer watching a match with a view that, come what may this team has to win. Yea, it was the case in only Sri Lanka games, as the hatred I once had for Australia has now shifted to Sri Lanka, only because their cricket bores me.

I was reading a big discussion going on in a online forum once, about a guy who use to support every team playing against India, despite being a Indian. That's pretty much a different case from me, but some points they talked about made me think a lot. Like one said, how can you not support your own nation ? Another said, its a sport, you can have your own favourites, can't be bound to support your own nation. Both were right!

I am mostly surrounded by mad Indian Supporters, be it real life or virtual. So, with the kind of view I watch cricket, it becomes tough for me to handle them. No one knows, why I went missing for some days during World Cup 2011 from twitter. Only because I wanted to enjoy the cricket by being away from Indian supporters. Whenever, a Indian game would happen, 99% would tweet something in favour of Indian team, okay fine accepted, but many would also tweet against the other team.. really thats the way you support your fav team ?

This further makes me think, aren't Films and Cricket pretty much the same. Fans in both cases are violent, and aggressive. I was kind of a fan of Shahrukh Khan in late 90's, but I matured with time and started giving every other good actor same importance, though a liking for Shahrukh stayed back. I was huge fan of Sachin Tendulkar till late 90's, you can't imagine, at that time I use to close my eyes in a fear, sachin might get out next ball. Again I matured with time, and the heartbeat moments with Sachin stopped, though I love to see him bat still.

My personal view on watching cricket is, I should get a good game of cricket to watch, whether T20, one day or test match. I want both teams to dominate. I want full entertainment. I want close games. Most of the times, I don't even get a answer who I want to win, may the best team win I say as I watch the games. This was the case while I saw just concluded Sa vs Aus T20 series.

Also, when it is a series of games between 2 teams, and one team is say 2-0 up in 5 match series, I am gonna support the weaker looking side. As I like exciting series, that goes down to the last game.(I guess I made clear whom I am supporting in next Ind game)

Now, either I start supporting India in all games like almost every Indian does or I watch cricket the way I do. I think I am gonna do it my way only, it may not be liked by the die hard indian cricket fans but I shouldn't change for them. At the end of the day, I am supporting cricket which matters the most. Yes, it feels bad when they say that you are not a true indian just because not supporting the team in cricket. But its okay, they have a right to say that, and I have to just ignore the comment and move on.

You should enjoy what you are watching, nothing else! I have regained the Cricket fever in past few months, which went missing after World Cup. So, in future you are gonna see me talking about cricket a lot on twitter mainly, and sometimes on Facebook. Like it or not, I am gonna remain a cricket fan...

------
Yash.

The conversations, the talk - the bond!

2011-10-12T17:57:00.001+05:30

These days, when I spend most of the time either with myself or the movies.. I miss the conversations, the talk and the bond we use to share once. I love to talk(online especially), but it's no longer a part of my life. Some friends do turn up for a talk probably once or twice a month, which feels nice.. gives a impression, they are still there around me.

Its good to spend time with yourself, a self realisation phase. But too much of it creates a kind of suffocation. Also, I think you should have that one person with whom you can share almost everything. Lately, I have been hiding lots of things going inside me, maybe I dont feel that there is a person with whom I can share it. I have also been thinking of doing something unusual, something most of the people don't accept in today's modern world, or maybe they do, but the section of people I know.. probably dont. But, been stopping myself from taking the step. The inner voice says 'Yes', but then a certain voice stops me, saying.. wait and see if the feeling is permanent and not temporary.

There is a sense of emptyness, a kind of longing or desire to have someone.. not exactly love but someone who understands my weaknesses, not my strengths.

You know what's the worst feeling, when you cant feel a sad song at a time when you aren't in a happy mood either. Why we can't be friends with the person you were in a relationship once. Why is there a fixed ritual kind of, that it never works.

I have been going to Yahoo very less in past 1-2 months or so. Because I don't feel good, most of times it is like sitting idle, watching the screen, talking to yourself. And I thought yahoo once meant talking to anyone who was online. Maybe thats another past story...

The life keeps going on, professionally there is a goal ahead, but personally... where its going, I have no idea. Just going with the flow, whereever it is taking....

----
Yash.

Abuses! Hate it.

2011-10-06T11:41:00.001+05:30

Yes, its cool to abuse, its a style statement too in a way when you use the 'F' word. Also, it pretty much vents your anger out. But, I certainly dislike excessive abuses, thats not cool.

I cant mention names of people, but I have a certain dislike for them, only due to this main reason. Koi bhi baat pe F word use karne se, tum modern nahi ho jayoge. If you do this in private, then can understand but in public or with people around, its not acceptable to me.

I can remember only 1 or 2 instance when I actually used a abusive word in real life. Once it was in 7th class, and other time it was probably during college. Former was frustration, and latter was anger. But, in private.. I am for sure one hell of a abusive person. You cant imagine, how much I abuse! And woh chalta bhi hai, never looks dirty that way.

There are times when I have disliked a abuse against me, infact I can never forget one particular incident. Was very much hurt by it.

The best way to describe a abuse would be 'When ur anger reaches the highest possible state'. So, the people who abuse a lot, get angry a lot ? And I thought I was the one with the worst possible temper.

I form a bad image of people who abuse a lot, and I can't help it. Even if they are good people, but you know certain qualities of people always works against them. Even people must speak against me, due to some of my bad qualities. That further makes me wonder, should we have a control over what's not right for others, but is right for us. For me abusing is bad, but for some it wont be. So, why should they actually stop using abuses, just to satisfy me or anyone else.

I think only solution to this would be, people who I am fond to be in touch with, they shouldn't be too abusive in nature. That should pretty much make everything fine, because problem occurs only when the person means something to you, and you end up disliking something about them...

Yash~

Where are Shahrukh fans ?

2011-10-03T18:44:00.002+05:30

Its gonna be almost a year for me in Bombay.. came on 8th dec last year. But ever since been living in this city, I have only witnessed either Salman fans or Shahrukh haters, or to double it combination of both. And it makes me think why I am getting to see only such people, where are the shahrukh fans.

I may not be like those die hard shahrukh fans, which ofcourse I always feel proud of. But, I would like to get in company of some people who understands his work, appreciates his acting. Ofcourse, I ignore people with whom I dont agree when they talk against him in films where I have loved his work. But the point is, why such bad luck to get to meet Salman fans/lovers only.

Let me clear out, nothing against Salman, even though I hated Bodyguard, his work was too good. And aneways I loved Ready, Wanted and Dabangg. Its just that I feel that monotonous feeling coming, which will go only when I get to see more variety of cinema lovers.

Hoping everything changes soon! ;)

Yash~

Smoking is ...

2011-10-02T19:41:00.001+05:30

You know I wanna smoke one day, hold the ciggerette, and try it once. The still of 'Fashion' film is still fresh in my eyes, interval scene priyanka in car, takes out the pack, and smokes a cigg.

There is certain style statement, the way you hold the packet, take out ciggerrette, then the way you use matchbox or lighter. And the last thing, the way you smoke it out .. Also, there is a certain degree of attitude visible in a person who smokes.

No doubt smoking is and will always remain injurious to health. Infact, my friend told me that its some 40% dangerous for the one who smokes, but 70% dangerous who is present at the place where the other person is smoking. So, it means its better to smoke, then to be present with a smoker.. he he ..

I dont know when I will try it, par kabhi na kabhi I will.. I also tried Paan here in Mumbai, and have to admit that was so so terrible, for so much time felt ki kuch ho toh nahi gaya mujhe.. Such yuck taste.

Its fine to be a smoker, but not a chain smoker... My opinion on Smoking!

Yash~

How do you disagree ?

2011-09-23T02:19:00.001+05:30

In our day to day life.. and this is applicable to each and every person.. We have a tendency to disagree, be it with parents, be it with friends, be it with online pals or online forums etc etc. We share mutual likes and dislikes while having conversation with each other.. Its only when you differ, that a strange feeling comes. The feeling may be shortlived, or extended.. depending on what kind of different views you just met by.

The point is - How should you show that you dont agree. Few ways are -
• Tell about what you disagree, and why. After that no further talks on it.
• Talk further, until you feel it might get ugly and bad to continue anymore.
• Keep saying until the person at the other end stops.
• Dont tell that you didn't agree with a person on something, keep it to yourself.

Interestingly, I have done all the above four. Third one is very much childish, but its fun though you may regret it later. 2nd one is used often by lots of people that I have seen, to some extent thats how I have been since some time. 1st one is for super matured people, I think when you just state what you dont agree with, giving the reasons, and then dont continue any futher arguement/debate on it.. then in a way you are making your say and also not letting your opinion feel like forced on the other person. Last one I dont know if its right or not, its kind of hiding what you feel. Sometimes, its worth it.. but not always.

But then the situation also matters. Like, When I see a film which I have already seen so many times(actually Dev.D it is) with a friend who watches it for 1st time. He says, the movie was good but there is no story in the film. Now, I disagree to it but I somehow feel the person I am dealing with wont agree with me if I tell my views. So, I am like, 'Oh acha hmmm..'. And end of conversation...

And so do the people involved matters... Now having a arguement with a person who means nothing to you.. then you would be like bring it on you idiot, I am not stopping. But, when the person is your friend.. then you have to think 100 times.. what if the friend doesnt like what you say as afterall the words once spoken cant be erased.

I have also seen some funny ways some people show how much they disagree, some rude ways, some hell of dramatic ways.. everyone have got their unique style of doing it. But, not all are good at it..

Also, saying a lot doesn't help when the person at the other end you know ain't going to agree with you come what may.

So.. if you disagree on something.. always communicate with yourself first, chances are.. more often than not, you would chose the right way.

Yash~

Dreamy Mad Night

2011-09-18T14:11:00.002+05:30

I think I should start a new label of 'Dreams', I tend to see too many dreams, lot of them are so wierd. Though I cant pen down each of my dream, some are personal ...

Yesterday, the dream started from a party scene. I am present at some party with people all around, being character artists (or normal people as I couldnt recognise them). The place is somewhat away from Andheri. Now, 3 guys approach towards me, asking where is Santacruz, I tell them the way. They say, please accompany us to the place else we may lose the way. I am like its way ahead of Andheri, how would I manage back. .Sorry, I can only help you in telling the path. They insist, we will drop you by car and stuff. But I deny and move away.. Then , I see them coming behind me... I start to walk fast through a strange place, a plant crop field in a party? I am stepping on various plants, and then I reach the door step of the hall.

Cut to 4 hours ago. I am in some college now, the college actually resembles my 8th-12th school building, infact its the same.. Now, I have come there to visit old teachers, and classmates(I dont know how they exist, khair). Now, one by one I am going through all the classes.. most of them have facebook friends in them. In one of them I see a asshole, the villian of the dream . I ignore that class, move towards next, there I see Nilay sleeping, I go and hit him on back asking you came here to sleep ? Then, I visit some old teachers (totally new faces). After that Shahrukh Khan joins me(we are actually friends here), we are going through a pull kind of thing to go from 1 building to other. I fear that its not strong enough, and it turns out to be true because the villians had arrived knowing me and that other person are here.

As the pull breaks, Shahrukh dies. I escape out of the place... Back to current scene now. As I go out of the party hall.. I see same villians outside. Now I dont know, how Katrina Kaif is there with me at the door(koi part dream ka hoga regarding her and me which I forgot).. So, I am with Katrina wondering kya karu. And suddenly, I see Salman Khan coming, hitting me hard.. I fall down. Then he slaps Katrina hard.. Katrina screams, wanting to tell something... And a sudden attack on Salman's head from behind (Ala ghajini style). Now, I couldnt see the person who attacked salman. Salman is lying seriously injured. And Anil Kapoor comes from nowhere, tries to handle the situation. But he also gets attacked, and here a funny incident happens that when he is watching Salman and Katrina on the floor, one injured and other crying.. he actually feels they are marrying each other, and stretches his hand ahead to give 'aashirwaad'. Uff!

Now, the next scene. Those 3 guys remember who asked me the way to Santacruz. They are at their place. Suddenly, the voice of 'Shahrukh Khan' comes, so he didnt die. They try to find where he is, and why he has come there. They find him, try to attack but to no avail. Then they accept defeat, and ask Shahrukh 'What you want'. Then, Shahrukh tells, I want you people to lead me to the place where Salman and Katrina are.. They agree to it ..

Bas dream ends here... So, the dream had actors, friends, old school things, enemies and what not.. And it had Shahrukh-Salman together too :)) ..

Yash~

Duniya badi Gol hai

2011-09-06T13:16:00.001+05:30

I still remember how much time it took for me to accept the way this song was used in DevD, but eventually I loved it. Love the lyrics of this song.. Aneways, away from the film and song... the music and film review is pending for it, which I will write sooner....

It has happened a lot of times when I am in a particular situation where I have been already in past, but with one huge difference, the side I am on is different. Like take the simple example of ':P' emotion. It was once my fav, I sort of used it so much and so many times I irritated people with it. Now, I hate it.. and I hate it to such a extent that not only I dislike using it myself but when I see anyone else using it too much. I feel like saying 'get lost'. And guess what I did actually got such reply from a person, stronger words than 'get lost', during the time I was in love with using that emotion. But to be frank now I understand, that too much of anything is not good, it always irritates. Also, somehow I feel that ':p' emotion signifies - I am currently in 'Not-interested to talk mode'. Maybe I am trying to get too much into a single emotion here, but thats how it has been. Once others were the victim and now I am the victim.

Even with people, I am sure it must have happened when they felt that 'yeh toh pehle mere saath ho chuka hai'. Like you love a person who doesn't love you and then comes a time when you are loved by a person whom you dont love. Some words you hate when spoken to you at a particular time, and then some years later, You happen to use the same words for someone. Some thoughts you say to yourself 'Na this doesnt apply to me', and the same thoughts you apply to someone else saying 'these are apt for you'.

You say 'I wont ever like Twitter', and years later you are seen addictvely posting on Twitter, giving a strong look to anyone who says 'Twitter is boring'. You say 'I would never leave this place' , and after a span of time you have left the place and so easily managing without it, wondering why did I really use to think that I wont be able to disconnect myself ever.

There are so many examples from my own life, and from the other people's life where I have noticed how much different or similar their thoughts are, when a happened incident returns back to them.... In short, the fact remains 'the world is round' , whatever you say, or happens with you .. would return back to you in a different form, sometimes taking you by a complete surprise too..

Yash~

3 Mistakes of Life and Love!

2011-09-04T17:08:00.000+05:30

I last wrote on this, in 2008 and my 3 mistakes at that time were : Letting 1st big crush go off in 6th class, Not keeping contacts with best friends after 7th class, and following what friends did in career after 11th class.

3 years have passed by, and with life I have done more mistakes, bigger ones. Good thing, all humans do mistakes, Bad thing.. we realize it too late.

Mistake No.1 : To let a relationship slip away, which meant the world for me.
Mistake No.2 : To commit to a relationship knowing I ain't getting the exact feeling the other person has got for me.
Mistake No.3 : To raise voice against something I felt was wrong, in not so right way.

You know, these mistakes usually occur when you have just entered a tough phase from a happy phase. And in that tough phase, lots of times you would be in a wrong state of mind. It is then all about how well you can communicate with yourself, because to choose between your heart and mind becomes tough in this phase, as they both lead to different outcomes.

In a way, its hard to avoid these mistakes. But if it can affect your or other person's whole life, you need to be extra careful. It becomes important to correct your mistakes then... But not all mistakes come with that gurantee. Only time reduces the effect it has, nothing else can be done. I have learnt a lot through these mistakes, but that doesnt make me feel that I may not do anything wrong in future. Who knows, what's coming next ...

That's the reason I wonder when people talk of love as accepting imperfections of other person, is that really true ? If yes, then why do I see lots of times people in love not able to cope well in tough situations. Infact, giving up is always on their mind... How can you give up in love, how can anyone give up on someone whom they consider almost as important as their parents. I feel the most for those people in every couple who suffer because the other person was never that serious to the relationship.

You should never hurry to go into a relationship, and never allow the relationship to end without trying either.. Rest is all destiny, you get what you deserve. I truly believe 'hum apni kismat khud likhte hai'. Dont be too circumspect, but dont be too careless either.. Life aint easy, Happy phase comes and goes, try to make the most out of it. Otherwise, after few years you would be left with the thought of 'Wish I had done this then...'. Live the moment..

Yash~

Madness Reloaded!

2011-09-03T19:25:00.002+05:30

I was just wondering few days back that in the world of celeb worshipping who goes to any extent in their love for their favourites, what kind of madness I have done in any regards.

When it comes to particular celebs, I dont think I would had done much. Maybe 1 special blog I wrote for Shahrukh and Amitabh, my two very favs. If thats called madness, I guess no. Even did some online radio shows on particular fav celeb birthdays, but again thats quite usual thing... Okay, I once tried to keep the tickets of movies I buy, but guess what within a month, the print on the ticket started fading.. such poor quality of tickets from those theatres. So, plan failed...

Then, I did a excel file on pc.. making list of films I watch, where I watch, time and etc etc. But I didnt find it fun enough, so I stopped it after few weeks only..

Two of most mad incidents for me would be, watching Kites three times in the same day. That was something I never thought I would do for a film ever. Then, the other incident would be Kaminey, watching it 4 times in 3 days together, and 7 times in the week. It still holds the record for the most no of times I have seen any film in a theatre. Hoping to break that record some day.

Watching a trailer 100 times or even more, thats madness aint it ? Or listening to a song for 3 continuous days ? Or going into those imaginations of visuals while listening the songs, going into a complete new world ? Or always thinking about something related to films and music ?

To end, my latest madness was with the Bodyguard film.. I had severe headache watching a torture film in morning show. But what spoiled my mood was specially the fact that there were no Agneepath/Rockstar trailers attached, which I really wanted to see for 1st time in theatre knowing that it will be full house so would get to see majority response is favour or against.those films. But that wasnt the case, and hence I felt.. why not see next show of Bodyguard which was in 40 mins in nearby theatre. Despite the headache in 1st time from a bad film, I went for it again but to my bad luck, they didnt come 2nd time either..

I believe without madness there's no fun in watching films or listening music. And I dont believe that madness means Celeb worshipping, thats completely different for me. If you madly like any form of art, then it has to do with that art, and not the person involved in that art....

Yash~

Miss You ? - Or change of Priority ?

2011-08-29T20:52:00.002+05:30

I Miss You! Aren't these 3 words used a lot, yea not as much as the famous 'I Love You'. Whats the significance of these words, that I miss the times we used to spent together, talking, having fun, doing stupid things even more stupidily etc etc etc. But, Why are you missing me ? What happened that you were forced to miss me ? Why the case arose that you had to miss me ? In short, coming to the direct point.. Why your priority changed so much all of a sudden, and even if it did.. and you felt you were missing out on something, then what did you actually do to remove the feeling of missing me ?

I feel that we should say I miss you only if we make a effort to reduce the gap that has arosen ofcourse due to busy life or change in priority whatever name you give it to. But, just saying I miss you and continuing your daily routine life is a joke, nothing else. Just read one status recently, I to a extent agreed to it 'No one is ever busy, its always about priorties. You will always find time for what you feel is important.. '. I wont say that you are never busy, surely some days come when you have to be busy, and here days actually means Days, not weeks., not months and not years.

Now talking of myself, since I believe in the ideology as I just mentioned, so I make it a point that I would never tell whom I am missing, because I never make a effort to reduce the gap so I dont have the right to tell the person that I have been missing the good old times of ours together. I myself know, that this ain't right but as I am, I have my set of rules and I like to live by them.

In the end.. I would only say that Missing someone is good, telling someone how much you have been missing is nicer, but to make an effort to make the relation near to same as before would give the best feeling to both the parties.

Yash~

2008 - A revisit to Punnu's Blog.

2011-08-10T13:15:00.002+05:30

I read my old blog post few weeks back, which I started in July 2008 and ended in Jan 2009.. That gave me a feeling that how much I am still the same in this ever-changing world. I wanted to repost all the entries back here, but I feel it would be injustice to them as many people had commented on those posts at that time. So, I decided on my birthday I will be posting some of the best excerpts from all the blogs written at that time from me. Enjoy if you are reading for 1st time, if not then have a nice old revisit too like me ...

And now i am thinking of all good moments of life,my last wishes and all,and yes thoda pyar thoda magic film is going in front also which i had forgotten.

- Funny Moments!!!, 21st July(2008)

I just feel either I am really less emotional person or I am a emotional person who is strong enough to control the fall of tears or may be there is something big or worst phase of life that is yet to come to make me break down completely forever.

- Does crying only means u r EMOTIONAL!!!, 22nd July(2008)

I strongly oppose those people who say that Friends you make in real life are more trustful while thats not case in net friendship.

- Isn't Net Life Real...., 23rd July(2008)

No matter how strong the friendship is,how can you really become so insecure and overpossessive that you just cant see your friend spending more time with someone else.

- Yeh Kaisa Pyaar...., 27th July(2008)

During my childhood I have got the image that God doesnt exist, and that feeling wont go now.

- Mera Awarapan!!!, 30th July(2008)

I guess no one would really mind to have a addiction of reading novels, as they are way better then what our college and school books have been.

- My 1st Novel......, 4th August(2008)

There are people who just take their birthday as just another day but there are people who love to enjoy and live every moment of their birthday and I fall in the latter one.

- Birthday or No Birthday ?, 5th August(2008)

Girls are always a mystery and you always keep judging what their emotions really mean in that particular situation.

- Girls - A Mystery!!!, 7th August(2008)

I went to the site, and instead of putting my roll no, I inserted roll no of person sitting ahead of me, he passed. Then, I inserted roll no of person sitting behind me, he also passed. Okk, means ratio is 100 out of 100, now I inserted my own roll no, quickly scrolled down to see if it is repeat or pass, and thankfully it was pass .

- Results Out !!!, 9th August(2008)

When you go with them, expect them to enter atleast 3-4 shops minimum before they finally select what they want from 5th shop. Now,5 shops for 1 thing. Are they aamir khan ?? Miss perfectionists? Grrrrrrr....

- Shopping with Girls - No No No!!!, 7th September(2008)

Sometimes you dont know whether what you did was right or wrong, you feel you were right from your point of view but you might be wrong if seen from other person's point of view. And then it becomes tough to make a call - choose your point of view or other person's point of view.

- Tensions,Mistakes and New Plans...., 12th September(2008)

Do you really think system will change, when most of our leaders are only willing to fight with each other, when do they really get time for their own country. They take actions once something happens,before that they are busy with their own damn parties.

- Blasts - Why for ???, 13th September(2008)

Whenever I travel to a place away from home, I always have a fear somewhere in me that who knows today I will come back home safe or not.

- Blasts - Why for ???, 13th September(2008)

I feel I get very jealous on smallest of things and this irritates me a lot as I feel its bad to be jealous, it shows bad habit of yours and ofcourse jealousy can even destroy relationships if its not controlled.

- Jealousy - Good Or Bad ??, 15th September(2008)

I convince myself that every problem does have a solution, though solution can be easy or tough.

- Life and its Troubles......, 19th September(2008)

What is frustrating to see is the friends who used to be there with u earlier, no longer care to even say a hi now. Life changes so quickly sometimes.

- Online Friendship..., 26th September(2008)

I am among those who prefer to talk to those who prefer to talk with me and I am very much clear about it.

- Online Friendship..., 26th September(2008)

If your 1st love is that true, then even if you lose it, you cant fall in love again.

- Love Happens again ?, 6th October(2008)

I dont feel like being sweet type to people who dont know meaning of respect to others. I think in this cruel and mean world, you cant survive by remaining calm and composed at all, atleast not me.

- Yeh hai meri kahaani ..., 10th December(2008)

Thats it. Reading the posts also gave me a feeling that I used to write about everything in my daily life at that time. Maybe I dont do that now, maybe I have started to keep things with me more now. Aneways, as I always do.. whatever and wherever my heart takes, go in that direction only...

Yash!

Yaad aayenge yeh pal

2011-08-07T01:55:00.007+05:30

I have so many times written about friends. This year, mostly its been a tad negative... so on occasion of Friendship Day, when I was thinking of every person that shared a bond with me for some time atleast, I would like to pen down all those good memories here. Yes, most of them aren't friends with me now, lost contacts with some, some no longer talk, some have found new friends, some have found new priorties etc etc. But, at a point of time in life, we did share some good time together, which made us friends even if for a small phase of life.

Real Life

School friends ---

Prashant, and Himanshu. Both were my 1st and best friends during 1st-7th class. We loved playing cricket the most ofcourse, being guys. Had lots of fun during school time, many times laughing loudly while class was on, and getting caught by teacher.

Deepika. Yea she was my crush. But then she also was actually my first friend who was a girl. Thanks to the school's boy with girl sitting arrangements, I got to interact with her daily and some good time spent together around 4-5 months it was.

Yatinder and Nitin. Yatinder was very friendly, met him in 8th class when got admission to new school in Yamunanagar. And our bonding clicked straightaway. While Nitin became good friend when we use to go to tutions in 11th and 12th, and then birthday parties, carrom at each other's home, pc games, cricket outdoor and indoor both. And yea, few times we even went after girls.

College friends ---

Gaurav, Vikas, Ravi, Tusshar. It took time before I became friends with these all, probably one semester it took during the engg life. After that, we had lots of good time together, which was mainly the bunking classes. And went to a bar too for 1st time with them, which was their job party. Though one uncommon thing I had with them was, they all were very studious friends. And they couldnt make me one of them, neither I could do the opposite.

Prasad and Raj. They are my current friends, the only ones with whom I am in contact with in my real life. Both are my batchmates in Mumbai's editing course. The whole day and night roaming near CST, which I already wrote once in a blog was the best memory till now. And also, the uncountable no of times we have sat for hours after our class at restaurant gossiping about anything with those misal paavs, chais and cold drinks. And lastly, staring girls at, well anywhere.

Virtual Life -----

Diksha.

She was my first best friend in this online world. Met her on Hi5 social site. And we just used to love playing antakshari all the time. Sometimes we even played it on our emails. Sheer madness! We liked to call each other with just one name Stupidddddddd .... I remember 2005 birthday very well, she went in a rainy mumbai weather to a std place.. to wish me happy birthday, her lovely voice, a shahrukh fanatic and the way she spoke 'bade majakiya ho'. And yea, lastly, the lines of the song 'bhala kaun hai woh humhe bhi bataaayo' from pardes always used to bring a smile on my face, as she had a habit of writing it time and again. Very memorable 1 year it was.

Nitasha, Kirti, Prachi, Shweta, Karun.

These were the fun days of Hi5. Conferences on yahoo with nitasha, kirti. Liked nickname of nitasha - gugu! Kirti's voice was very nice. Friendship with Karun was kinda of strange, but thats how my friendships with guys in virtual life has been. He was the one who actually made me realize what love is, what I am ignoring and what I should be doing, cant forget that. I never told him about it, infact anyone else either. Prachi and Shweta became very good yahoo friends, prachi specially became a close friend, little bit of naughty kind at that time. And yea, the way you were with me till 2-3 am on that day when I felt nothing is left in life.

Neha, Ambika,Harsh, Fizza, Bhavuk, Ali.

The FF days. All these were the major people during the good times related to that place. Neha, the big shahrukh fan. Loved calling her nakchari bandariya(nb), and the style she used to talk with. I remember the only time we met, when she talked a lot and I was kindly listening. Ambika, sallu lover.. invented my new name funnu. And lots of fun in sing a song, and other game threads we had then, and also the carnival. Harsh, the way we use to discuss what to do next for FF, and yea sometimes making fun of fanistic posts through emotions on threads. Fizza for her unique ratings and comments, and ofcourse the childlike behavior on so many occasions. And the bakra she planned on me, which was so successful.

With Bhavuk, there were more talks on filmi discussions in forums, he was more like me talking madly about every new released song/trailer, which I liked the most. Apart from that, we interacted in yahoo conferences to some extent. And that ff thread where we competeted against in monthly guess stuff. Had good times in carnivals especially with Ali, and conferences again. And I liked it when he tried to ask me for a fb group few months back, even if I didnt go for it.

Divs Sir, Kiran, Vishal, Nidhi, Chahat, Priyu, Soniya.

With Divs Sir, the communication always happened at yahoo conferences, or the famous phone conferences along with Kiran, Harsh and few more where I was always in the listening mode, except for few odd occasions where I was made to sing too. And Aug 10 birthday always was memorable due to that 1st phone conference. The drink sessions too which we had once in Delhi and then in Mumbai, and the whole ravisa thing. Kiran was a good support always on tough times in ff, She had a habit of saying hmmm a lot on phone. And her hatred for a emotion on yahoo always. I remember that crow incident still...

Vishal I remember talked to me for 1st time when he was asked by someone to call and wake me up, and I was like who is this on phone as I was sleepy. We saw Wanted when we met for 1st time, had good time at Cp, and the roadies time where we had great fun. With Nidhi, the fun was chatting in threads along with Chahat, ffgg, and then later on the roadies, and the papi gudiya poster. Then, the daily talks we had, the team up, the fights, some odd flirtings and her wierd way of giving music ratings at that time. Also, the can you friend bhavik fun... Priyu, another die hard shahrukh fan.. whenever there was a talk of shahrukh, she was always there. Her famous gaalis which were censored, some good time at BB, and now the FB. Soniya aka sheru, used to flirt a lot with her initially, now madam thinks I have forgotten flirting. She was there during early struggle days of yash, when I thought I would not go to ff.

Divya, Pathik, Aishwarya, Manisha, Suhaila, Tanvee, Ruchi.

Good time with divya during initial hml days. We used to talk a lot then on yahoo, and sometimes in her own community.. and I remember bollywood craze before ff happened. That was the time when we shared good bonding. Pathik had unusual ways of replying to me in hml, those <> symbols and funny humour in his posts. Aishwarya aka Cutu and Manisha, both in yahoo talks more often, and hml too during early 2006. Suhaila, Tanvee and Ruchi.. the trio whom me met at HML, lots of fun we had in scrap till 10 thread. I remember when Tanvee got angry at me when we weren't friends, and then next day she was fine. Doing the birthday songs thing for her was memorable, and the cd one for ruchi too.

Making diary for Suhaila, meeting her, scrapbook games with the trio. And discussing every minor things related to hml, ff,bb or anything silly or serious issue with suhaila. Those early fights too, and now we hardly fight... and yea, one of oldest friendship that didnt die though few occasions came with such chances. With tanvee the scrapbook talks, and with ruchi her desire to win the scrap game though that was in suhaila and tanvee too . And ruchi used to always write "hum jeet gaye" when india won any cricket match.

Khushi, Sabareesh, Girish, Mormee, Isha, Maman, Arpan, Binish, Rachna, Radha.

The Hml people again. With Khushi most memories were the times used to tease her with names, and stuffs. Sabareesh was along with me then, and also he used to be quite a good music listener. Giri was the eldest person probably at that time in Hml, and he used to handle the issues very properly. Talked once on phone too.. and with him there, I was assured I can sleep well, he would never allow anyone to win in scrap till10 thread. Mormee will always be remembered for her oya oya oya! Maman, saqu.. was such old member in comm but I never intereacted with her, but after I think one and a half year, we talked on some sonu related stuff, then scrap thread and then talks began. And then the saqu saawariya stuff...

Isha aka maasi, all talks we had were mainly in scrap thread only, and I met her once for few mins. I loved her calling me betu... Arpan became my close friend, which happened after a long time.. probably after harsh, it happened that I bonded that well with a guy. Jai and Veeru, the names we liked to call each other with. The roadies we hosted together along with Khushi and rachna. The hml awards. New threads discussion, flirting with new girls.. lots of fun. Binish became very good friends due to roadies only. Loved binish aka nikammi's one photo which I think I wrote as a testi too for her. Her unique way of writing online which makes it hard to understand for anyone. Rachna aka gurumaa, remember the first time saw her, in a asin pink dp.. showing lots of attitude and still soon we became friends. I liked her bindaas kind of attitude, masti with vinti/manoj/arpan always in comm. Radha was and still is one with whom its fun to fight, then it was in rumour or scrap or other threads.. and now its in comments of various fb places.

I hope I didnt miss out on any person.. as this post was of all the friends whom I met since a kid till now. Thanks for all those lovely moments, even if we are no longer the same with each other.. such memories always will remain with me.

Happy Friendship Day...

Yash~

1st Part @Mumbai

2011-07-21T01:36:00.005+05:30

Tonight, the 1st part of life in Mumbai ends as I return to Delhi to meet my family after a gap of some 8 months. Just a short visit and then I will be back to Mumbai for the 2nd main part of life here.

It all started with a decision to do Film Editing course here in Dec 2010. Some old memories initially haunted when I came here. It was hard to manage in the beginning, trying to do stuffs I wasnt used to do on my own. But I learnt and became used to living on my own which once I said I would like to do one day.

The course went fine, not spectacular as such but a learning experience it was nevertheless. All depends on the future based on this experience. But more than that I would like to get that self confidence that I am capable enough for it, which I am yet to get but I feel I will get it sooner than later.

One major change in me was I started to drink quite often. Well not really that much, just once a week to be precise. I definately missed home food on lots of occasions, something I used to make fun of while watching hostel people crave for it. And some new dishes I ate too.

Travel wise, less I say the better, yet to travel so many main parts of this city. Even didnt visit the place I had planned to go before I came here. Definately in must visit place!

And I am yet to understand how to walk on roads here. Escaped colliding with trucks, buses, cars and what not so many times.

Good memories of the whole night at railway platform followed by running to catch the train, sitting for hours after class at a restaurant nearby with friends along with our famous Misal Pav, meeting Suhaila which I never thought would happen in Mumbai, enjoying(except for one odd occasion) and getting drenched almost everytime it rained here.

Didn't meet so many people, but then no longer in contact with major of them. That's how things are, when you are in best of relations you are far away.. and when you are near, you are a stranger.

Waiting for the 2nd part now, make or break time which everyone has in their life. But for now, a good 15 days relaxation...

Yash~

God then, God now ..

2011-07-12T21:47:00.002+05:30

When I was a school going kid, quite early.. probably during 2nd-5th class time. I used to love going to religious temples. I use to love every Tuesday then as that day I along with my mom would go to a mandir before buying 5 rs prasad and give to pandit, who would take out few and give rest back. I use to carefully see that specially.. Then while coming out, Mom would give those people outside mandir some of prasad and I use to stare at mom, saying 'plz, save some atleast'.

In short, I wasnt religious even then .. since I was a kid.. I use to found it fun to eat prasad, go to temple and offer to pandit etc. The thought of without been devoted to god, how can you do it.. never used to come to my mind which is quite expected. Even during janmaashtmi going to see lovely temples decorated so well used to be very pleasurable.

With time, I decreased going to temple every tuesday and then finally it totally stopped. When people ask me, when I became non-religious... I have to think before saying, I always was like that. Its tough to make people agree, as everyone feels there has to be some incident in your life to become such a person. Not so for me, just a guy who doesnt believe in God.

I think thats how it always remain for me.. the only reason I use to enjoy going to mandir in childhood days was my age restricting me to think what I am doing. But now, I know without any feelings, you should never go to a temple.

---

Yash~

Good vs Bad Memory

2011-06-29T12:38:00.003+05:30

Everyone has good as well as bad memories. Bad memories hurt us but sometimes good memories hurt more. The worse thing for me is to have a good as well as bad memory on the same day, July 1st.

When I think of the bad memory associated with the day, only thing I say to myself.. why did I chose this good day for it. Also, it was a lesson for me, never ever spoil the days that mean everything to you. Because in our day to day life, every action of ours gets stored in future into either good or bad memory. Thats why we say, Always do right things at right time.

Since then, I have made a point that some days would be totally mine, without anyone's dakhal andaazi, without any big work to be done during those days.

Despite the effect of bad memory being less on me.. only regret is I didnt want it to get linked which it has now, and somehow it would remain in my mind always when the date comes every year. Sadly, I aint aamir of ghajini to have short term memory.. I just never forget anything, anyone ever.

I also wonder for how many people I come as good memory and for whom as bad memory. I know someone for whom I would be both too.

Aneways, I hope I have a good day.. cant have any control over my mind/heart.. but I would like to spend day remembering the good memories only.

Yash~

Doing not Judging.. .

2011-05-31T19:36:00.003+05:30

For so so so many years.. I have been watching film trailers like madly the moment they come on net. I watch them non stop sometimes whole day... I try to note every frame, to find what I missed out initially. Its really fun to watch the trailers for me than even the film. Well, not that I dont like watching films.. but the trailers are 1st step to every film (Posters are just images).

Okay, now what if I am told to make trailers.. Yea, thats what I am currently doing during my course, making film trailer's. Sometimes I wonder.. its easy to make trailer but then I feel its surely easy to make a trailer, but the point is how much impact you can create from your trailer which depends on the shots you choose from the entire film in your promo. That is what makes it a tough job, but not impossible.

So, what I have been judging till now.. is what I have to do myself now. In my college project I am suppose to make trailers of 2 films - 1920 and Salaam e Ishq (Ummm.. I know films arent great ones, but kya kare, they have footage of these films only).

Will upload my made trailers by end of next month most probably (July end it means). But, one trailer that I wanted to make since long.. which isnt even available at youtube is of 'Dil Se'. More so because I want to see how much impact I can create with those background themes that I have with me from the film. So, will try my best to make the trailer and upload it in June itself.

It will be fun to judge your own made trailers for a change .. ;)

Yash!

Not everything changes ..

2011-05-31T19:27:00.003+05:30

While eating at a restaurant.. I saw one couple eating together having good time together. I was that time waiting for my ordered food to come, ofcourse alone as expected. When I saw them, I straightaway reached July 2008 3c's restaurant, and took few secs to come back. Then decided to try to ignore the couple.

5 mins later, another couple came and sat one table ahead of previous one. And I realized, probably one of those rare days.. when I cant sneak out. In the past 3 years, this is one thing that has remained the same with me, my incapability to stop bringing my own past while watching a loving couple whether married or unmarried. Total mood gets spoiled.. not because I dont like those memories, I simply love them ... but because it again and again tells me what I dont have.....

Yash!

Late Night Fun ...

2011-05-23T00:45:00.003+05:30

It was saturday afternoon. Me and two of my class-mates were bored and bit irritated, angry with some stuff happened that day in college. We randomly made a plan to go somewhere, and then I suggested Gateway of India. The venue was wrong as plan came around 4 pm. But who cares.. and the fun began.

We reached CST around 8 pm, some shopping at Fashion street.. and around 11 pm we reached Gateway of India. Walking on empty roads was fun, though legs started to pain but we kept going. I was so so in mood of having a beer, but luck wasnt with us, all shops were closed. Some photo session at gateway, some rain drops also.. so wished it rained hard which didnt happen.

Then, saw a club where lots of high elite people were coming, thanks to one of classmate who keeps interest in this. And, then we again tried to get some beer but failed again. Took a cab, asked him some place.. went to some restaurant, which turned out to be a food place instead and ended having dinner instead though the food was very good. And time was 1:40, so we missed the last local.

2 hours on platform were soooo irritating. Then, we thought of taking bus at 4 am ... but it wasnt coming, and we knew 4:27 has a train.. we changed plan again, went to take ticket. It was 4:26. We started to go towards train ahead of us. Suddenly, it starts moving, and I was like fuck.. does that mean I have to catch a train running first time in life. Ofcourse had no time to think, and I ran, somehow caught the train.. the ddlj scene was also coming in mind, and then we noticed that we were in ladies compartment.. but no big problem as just 2-3 woman were there, so we changed the compartment at next station.

Yea, it was my 1st local train experience too, have to say train stops a lot at non station places for reasons unknown to me. But the train was very fast. And we easily got seats, so the experience of crowded train missed out.

Reached my room at 6 am, and had a very good 5 hrs sleep then. Still legs are paining as the walking we did was way too much, from cst to fashion street to gateway to cst to some random places.

Aneways, I like to have such days.. would like more in future too. Its so fun roaming at night. But hopefully beer shop milegi next time, that was the only thing which spoiled the fun a bit.

Yash!

Mera Dabba

2011-05-18T21:54:00.000+05:30

While watching stanley ka dabba, I was thinking of my school days and my dabba. How I use to be and others use to be. Most of my classmates use to be divide and eat rule. I sort of use to eat my own stuff and take very less from others. Then, there was a girl who used to always eat once during class lecture only, though unlike film .. here no one would come to know about it, smelling power missing from teacher perhaps. And worst thing been that for some months her seat was with me, so I had to control my hunger watching her eat during a going class.

During school, eating from canteen use to be second choice unlike college where outside food became 1st preference. Though, cold drink habit use to be there, as I use to drink while coming back from school at a shop in the way to home. At that time, I had a strange habit of eating lots of crunchies too.

Most of the times I wouldnt even know what my dabba has, which sabji and all. So, it used to be fun. waiting for recess and then opening to see what today. I never took non-veg or even egg at school as far as I remember. Paranthas with achar, or Aloo rolls or sabji with roti would be the main recipes during that time. And rice also sometimes. And ofcourse tiffin use to be small for me always, even during the time when extra classes like in film happens and you have to stay 2 hrs more than the normal time.

But I dont think there was any teacher in school who use to like to eat from students tiffin, but yea there were few who use to eat if offered..

Lunch time use to be fun during schools, because for us or atleast me.. the classes used to be a big bore. So, I use to take lunch time as half hurdle passed, have energy with food and then pass the final hurdle and go home and enjoyyyyyyyy.

Aneways.. just wrote on dabba and some old school memories, which came while watching the film yesterday.

Yash!

Whatever ..

2011-05-17T01:22:00.000+05:30

I am damn sure I wrote on this in my last birth. Aneways, writing now again .. 'Whatever', only one thing comes to your mind after hearing this word. Must be some girl who had said it.

Its a word so commonly used by girls when they have to show that they disagree with you. And they have various superb styles of saying it. Whateverrrrrrrrrr!, Whatever!, What ever!, Whatever man! .. well I cant describe it in written properly.. just tried a bit but you can well understand what I mean.

Now, how should a guy show his disagreement towards a girl. Whatever is a girly word, as whenever I have thought of using it.. I felt that I would sound so ajeebs, and hence I dont use it. I think we dont have any shortcuts, we directly say "dont agree". Or do we have ? Not able to think of any... Atleast till date I havent seen a single guy say 'Whatever' in front of my eyes in real or virtual life.

That says a lot, how much favourism Whatever does towards Girls. Infact girls dont just use whatever to show how much they disagree, there is a sense of anger also visible in the word, though depends how they say it. But the anger is minimal, mainly its only the clash of opinions when they bring there super cute 'Whatever' to tell the boys - Well please, give me a break.

I think I wrote too much against girls for a change, they will definately say 'Whatever' after reading it. ;)

Yash!

Just a name..

2011-05-10T22:14:00.000+05:30

I went for dinner to a restaurant/dhaba kind of place I go often. While returning back, I saw a shop hoarding with a name written on it. Now.. that name was totally random, and I know a person by that name. She aint my friend but still I know her through a orkut community.

The point I am trying to make is, when I stepped out of room for dinner, I never planned to think about her, but that one hoarding made me think about her for a min or couple of mins from nowhere. So, just a name is enough sometimes and you start wondering about that person.

And I have also noticed one thing, mostly 80% of times, at such cases you would see a name of a person with whom either you dont talk now or have interacted very less in last few months.

Then, I started to wonder, how many shops would have Puneet or Punnu written, very few or near to nil. But Yash would definately be there at various places. Haven't I picked a name very well when I did it few yrs back.

So, just a name randomly coming up anywhere is enough for you to think for few secs, mins or hours about that person. Whether its good or bad, but it happens with everyone..

Yash.. naam toh suna hoga ;)

Whats worse ..

2011-05-10T02:27:00.000+05:30

You love someone, but the person doesnt love you .. you still love the person. The person may not even remember you, think about you .. but you still love the person. The person may not identify you if you meet by chance anywhere .. but you still love the person. Everyone advice you to forget.. but you decline the advice. Sometimes you feel like cursing the person .. but the person is too dear for you to do so. You cant have the person, yet you cant stop thinking, and feeling the love.. which will always remain one sided.

Now, comes the irony. The opposite happening at same time. A person whom you dont love, is loving you. Person whom you hurt unintentionally doesnt want to forget you. A person who could complete your life but you cant give the love that is already taken away by someone else. A person whom you miss too, but you cant show it, because another fact is you still dont love that person. You can never love that person, but still something makes you miss that person. The person's madness makes you feel, where did you go wrong.. why did it all happen and why did emotions not stay intact at important times. Why you allowed it ..

One way, you love someone who doesnt love you, and another side, someone loves you whom you dont love. Its two people, and both cant be in your life .. and people may say you are responsible only for the 2nd one. I can easily say, I was the one that let it happen both times.

....

Complete cycle revolve

2011-05-08T11:45:00.000+05:30

Lately, I am having this 360 degree head revolve (not physically plz). All people, incidents memories one by one rotate from past years to current. So much that I start feeling headache or some sort of uneasy feeling. Its happened around 3 times in past 2 weeks, last being yesterday. I think all this is part of thinking too much.

Talking of thinking, while watching Haunted yesterday.. I was wondering what will happen if I go to Ooty one day. First, Raaz and now Haunted both have Ooty visuals (I hope they are from ooty only) . If I travel at day or night through that place, and a wind blows, a loud scream and my name taken loudly yashhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Scary, scary, scary!

And then the thought of Haveli comes in mind. Our films, horror ones keep haveli as main element most of the times. So, how do people actually live in such big haveli's in real. Must be some rich people who would be living at such places. It must be so peaceful, yet so scary atmosphere midnight and late, specially for a person like me who is awake till late 3 or 4 am. Even a slightest of door opening closing can scare at such places, na cat wont come.. it happens in films only.

But both Ooty and Haveli's are somewhat that may scare me and hence I would most probably stay out of it as much as possible in my life.

And this ooty also makes a cycle revolve in a way, same thought I had around 2008 and now in 2011. Did I change?

Yash!

What Irritates me ...

2011-05-07T03:24:00.000+05:30

Was just reading old blogs, been 2 and half years for this blog.. time passed by so quickly. Some funny routine change blogs, and awkward situations.. and a comment on you dont leave ur home even if it doesnt give u happiness.

I had once blogged on "25 facts about me", this time I am writing on Things that irritate me. No limit on count, and I think it was once a trend topic on twitter too. So, here's the stuff that irritates me.. whether it should or not.. is a different case.

• "How are you". Let me clarify .. It dislike this que only when someone who comes online daily, and yet dares to ask this to me. I strongly believe that if you are a friend to me, then you shouldnt require to ask hows you at all. And if you come online regularly, then toh no way I would appreciate such que. What kind of friend are you, if you dont even know how your friend is at the moment. People may disagree with me on this, but thats how it remains for me.

• When anyone argues with me, when I know I am right without any doubt. I totally hate that. In real or virtual.. at such times.. my talking mode does go a bit anguish.

• When I see two people argue with each other.. and I feel they could stop, atleast one of them can make a effort to stop in a talk that's not going in anyone's favour. No point in such arguements... Well, arguements are aneways always useless.

• When girls (yea girls) make fun of love just because they failed in love. I have seen very few guys or maybe none who do so coincidentally. What I dont like is, why one has to abuse love, the amazing feeling of love.. how can such people forget that no matter how much they have been hurt or how bad their current or near future life would be... they had that amazing time when they were in love with that special person. If anyone needs to be abused or made fun of .. then it should only be the person who is no longer with you or left you.. but not love! (though personally I dont like to do the latter either)

• When my internet doesn't work. Its a major or main part of my life so it is bound to irritate me a lot when it stops working or any problem occurs.

• When I get stuck in traffic jam.. its okay as long as I aint in a hurry to reach anywhere though.

• When people dont talk properly on yahoo messenger, I mean I am talking properly and they give me one word replies or just a emotion or very late replies.. that irritates me the most probably. And funny thing is, this thing I do the most so I must irritate lot of people.. and I know someone whom I irritated the most with it once, that conversation always remains with me, one of few faults that made my life to whatever it is now.

• When people get irritated by me just because I talk less. That actually irritates me to some extent because I dont label myself as a guy who is a chatterbox, Even at virtual life.. I make it a point to tell whosoever gets close to me (as a friend) that in real I talk less. So, why do some show that they are irritated or those making faces.. if problem then dont meet na.

• People who spam.. awwwww what do they get. Let me confess, I get irritated when people spam on twitter too with those trending topics, If topic is Epicmovies then 20 tweets of films, arre 2 tweet mein likh lo naam ... reason I would tweet less on them. (ab toh woh bhi I dont do) And I cant say anything, because thing is .. here that famous saying "different people have different way of doing things" comes up.

• How can I not mention this one. I must have shown how much I hate this in blogs earlier or on twitter too for sure. I simply hate baised fans of celebs or anti haters of celebs. I keep a certain distance from such people, and if they are my friends.. then I would try to keep my thinking cap off as much possible as I can. Because I do hate to see the way these people boast or degrade celebs.

• This one used to irritate me earlier.. to see friends online and yet not talk. But I got a solution for it.. deleting them or blocking them. If you dont talk, what you are here for in my list ? Though I do regret it on some occasions when I felt, I was the one more on fault to be not talking.

• Okay this one is personal. I dont like when someone says to me that its foolish to love someone who ditched you. I would mostly say in my mind "I didnt need your advice". But then everyone are just giving their point of view. And I believe that such point of views are important as you never know when they change your thoughts. But yea, I do get irritated a lot.. not only by this but also when people use those two over-rated words "Move on". I am like, please .. I am fine as I am.

• When I see the cliched comments made on celebs - "Shahrukh cant act", "Awards are unfair and bought" etc. Its like you have a certain fixed opinion, and if thats the case .. then even if what you think isnt really the case, you wont agree to it because in your mind you have set ur frequency to your assumed perceptions. Quite irritating. If you cant alter your thoughts when you see you were wrong about a person, and you like to go with your fixed opinion only.. then thats simply pathetic.

• I hate it when I am misunderstood. I think this one would be in irritating list of every person. There's nothing worse feeling than to feel that the people close to you dont understand you, nothing worse than this.

• When my parents, mom to be precise ... bargains at shops during shopping. Irritating because sometimes I feel its over-done. Buying 300 rs thing in 150 rs is just too much. Khair, again mostly everyone does this.

• When I do something which I shouldnt be doing.. . I know this aint right, yet I do it .. and later I regret and feel why didnt I stop myself from doing this. Its happened quite a lot.

• People changing, be it their attitude or their equation with me.

• Criticssssssss .. the way they bash films, and sometimes or mostly make fun of celebs. Ask them to make a film and then know what its all about. But they have their mouth shouting, its our job, its our job.. toh kya achar daale .. job ke naam pe kuch bhi ? Idiots!

• When it rains... and I need to go to some important place, be it restaurant, exam centre, college or meeting friend etc. I love rains, but not on such occasions.

• The junk of stupid reality shows played on mtv, v channel, utv bindaas .. and the contestants who actually go there just to earn money. Paise ke liye saala kuch bhi karega, eh?

• Lecturesssss. The anupam kher dialogue suits me from rang de basanti "Sms generation, lectures inhe boring lagte hai " . I hated them in schools when principal would come during assembly and bore a hell lot. I hate the lectures given during start of cricket tournaments like world cup, ipl etc in those cermonies when the lectures or speeches of various guests just dont end. Again a confession, I dont like when my father says something to me that he has already told me thousand times before. Because I totally remember what he said earlier..

• Noise. It irritates me when I need a silent atmosphere, usually it happens when either I am in bad mood or feeling low or I just want to be alone.

• When people watching cricket.. forget that just becuase the match is played with india doesnt mean the opponent team should be abused or made fun of. That sometimes irritates me so much that I start feeling come on india just lose the match, I wanna see reactions of those people then.

• When I lose anything, be it a game, a bet or anything else... I just like to win.

• Not learning from your mistakes. You already did that mistake once, you even regretted doing it later. And then you get tempted to do it once more, some people eventually do it again.. many infact, not just some. If one needs to change then its always this part, to prevent old mistakes repeated.. if there is anything by the name of growth, then this is that.

Thats it, I think I covered almost every aspect of life.. these were the lots of things that irritates me.

Yash!

Meditation

2011-05-01T10:40:00.000+05:30

I want to make peace with my mind. I aint interested to become happy, as I think that's certainly not possible for me with all kind of hurts the so called people have given me. So, I decided to try this meditation book... But, it didnt help me much.. except for one thing, it told me which sections I need to work on if I have to get that peace.

The book also told me that there are some parts where I am already fine. There are some parts where I may never be fine. While some can be worked upon if I can get that will power from somewhere.

Please yourself, recognize when you are loved, Dont think what people think about you, do what you want, forgive, take responsiblity, dont be lazy, when a dark memory returns, don't argue, listen, live your own life, tell the truth, don't give up, your attitude, admit that you are human, grow up, be open, make your own mistakes, say no, say yes, move on, apologize, understand your anger, remember your strength, how you see the world, un reasonable people, take the time to do nothing, hear your own voice, trust yourself, let others be free, expectations, fix your problems.

Those were some of the main parts of the book. I still dont know how to forgive, how to low your expectations and how to not think about what people think of you. Last one probably is easier to try but the first two very tough ones. Expectations is one thing that I just keep building from smallest of possible things. While I have believed that my anger for people never dies, then how would I forgive. This is where the meditation failed for me, atleast for the time being.

But it was definately worth a try, maybe with time.. I may succeed, as one thing is sure.. nothing happens by force, it will happen naturally one day if it has to happen.

Yash!

Handicap and Traffic Signals..

2011-05-01T10:27:00.000+05:30

I dont know if I wrote on this before, probably sums up how less I blog now. Its always been tough for me to watch handicapped people. Whenever I see them, I feel if ever I became one, I wont live this life.. cant imagine a life like that. I always try to take my eyes away when I see any handicapped person, though in terms of humanity.. it may sound rude or not nice.

And then, those beggars kind of people that are there in small markets, stations or outside malls.. and mainly at the traffic signals. When I see them, I initially ignore them but they never go that easily.. then I feel should I or should I not.. and some time passes by in it... and then I feel enough time gone, no point giving now. And like this it goes on.. Though at the end of it, I always feel bad that when I say I aint kanjoos then why should I not help these people by even 5 or 10 rs. A funny thought also comes in mind sometimes.. What if I give 10 rs to a kid, and 15 kid around come running watching this.

The reason I am always confused in this regards is, I have felt that not all of these roadside people are nice and straightforward. I still remember that incident, when one guy with a kid n wife asked me for help in terms of money around 500 and also accomodation, I was like what you think I am. And that person's blames, Sanjay Dutt removed our homes, he is shit and asshole and what not... Inside I was laughing at him, that he doesnt know I am a filmi buff whom he is trying to fool. Aneways, that was just one of those incidents but such people would be more for sure.

Aneways.. need to go out now .. and hence have a indirect meeting with these people once again ..

Yash!

The month of Hibernation...

2011-04-30T15:17:00.000+05:30

Last time I went on hibernation (virtually), it meant deleting ppl from orkut account, deactivating facebook account and asking Suhaila to change Twitter account password. It worked only for 3-4 days, all this is like addiction to cigerette and drugs, cant stay away even if its affecting me badly.

And then I thought of a new way to hibernate. For first time, I used list feature of Twitter, made list of twit pals and unfollowed them. What I wanted was a free timeline for as long as I feel totally okay mentally. And its worked as there was so much of different opinions posted there along with mine that the mind was starting to revolve. Even I think I was using twitter wrongly, infact facebook too. These places are just to share your current state of mind, your opinion but not exagerrate. For such things, blogs or private diaries are a better option. I certainly was exagerrating, and also getting irritated by same thing happening by lots of ppl at other side too.

I told myself, that I wont visit the list until I free myself if not 100% then atleast 50%, which I did. The hibernation started on 2nd April just when India won world cup, and its still not over entirely.. A strange and funny thing is, when you follow wrong way to achieve what you want, sometimes its hard to come back.. But sometimes its hard to chose what is right and what is wrong, or probably you arent given the right option, its between two wrong. Okay enough philosophy..

The point is, I dont feel like following anyone now.. apart from new people whom I dont know or celebs. Even at facebook, I have kept people blocked.. and its fine to do so because you cant delete them just because of certain stupid reasons. Virtual life isnt like real life, hence to tackle it.. if it means some wierd things, then so be it.

Infact this April month over the last 3 years could be the first time when I was busy in real life more than virtual life (not counting the times when my pc or net wasnt working). Most of the time I was either with my college mates or then meeting suhaila no of times.

Its important to take break when you feel nothing is good. Sometimes in the silence, you find the answers which otherwise dont come. Not that I have found all the answers, but yea it feels better...

And this hibernation also required, deleting all previous orkut accounts though this has to do with something else to. I wonder how easy it is, actually it wasnt easy to delete one orkut account but still I felt doing it.. more on that in next blog.

That was the story of this hibernation... which is still on .. it will end only when I find peace in this virtual world, my virtual world to be precise.

Yash!

Golden Days

2011-03-22T01:14:00.000+05:30

I think everyone in their life has a phase which they love, a time when you feel that life is so much fun.. a time when everyone loves you.. when your day starts and ends with a smile. Mine was Jan,2006 - Aug,2008.

Those were the times when I used to feel that I have lived entire life already, had everything.. love, friends and my passion for bollywood in its own way. Though, all this was virtual then. In real life, I had nothing then too. But virtual life was full of happiness. Flirting day/night on orkut forums, group messages on yahoo.. conferences, playing songs during conferences .. playing dice, pool games .. Scrapbook games on orkut.

Used to scrap a lot then, no wonder today my accounts have over 10,000 scraps. I remember I also had one film site which I use to run then, find it stupid now to think I ever did something like that. Then, those celebration days assigned like emotion day, hindi talking day etc. And the orkut awards or the daily news.. rating girls..

Those were some days. There's nothing now, no love, no friends. I miss those golden days, and those people (not what they are now).

I dont think I would ever have anything even close to what I had that time. Life goes on, sometimes along with people and sometimes all alone. Wish the good times lasted longer than it did.

----
Yash.

No Cribbing, No thinking ..

2011-02-21T00:34:00.000+05:30

In 2008 I remember that I use to make plans, of how to tackle things that I cant or the ones that I felt I am not good at. I always like to try before giving up. So, this time gonna try once more. Lately, I have been thinking way too much and ending up cribbing about people, relationships and what not. Though whatever I say I always mean it. But then if I can stop doing it, then it may help. Some thoughts could be limited to self, why showcase to the world.

So, no more cribbing or thinking over relationships. The less I say, the less the people would know, the less they would give their thoughts and the less I would think. Though, this doesnt mean forgiving anyone or talking with the ones who have changed with me. But yea, time to make a move towards things I like, few people that I talk to and maybe some new interactions. Wont get anything thinking over the people who once use to call themselves as my friends. I have to accept that if I dont exist for them, they also dont exist to me anymore.

For a moment thought of reverting back to old name also came, but that would be too much of a change, and I aneways like to go with my heart which doesnt give me permission to do that.

So, from now on, if anyone finds a change in me .. then consider it a deliberate attempt to change from me. A change for good ......

And a coincidence, I end up choosing 21st Feb to start something new ..

Yash!

Do I think too much ..

2011-02-06T15:46:00.003+05:30

I feel that I think too much about every minor thing in day to day life. Some things are just always going around in my mind. So many times I feel that I keep analysing a lot over relationships, people, their habits on net. Maybe following everyone on orkut,facebook,twitter has made me like this.

There are too many things that just dont go out of my mind. Why a feeling comes that people are no longer the same, Why a feeling comes that people have gone too ahead in their lives, Why a feeling comes that Suhaila, Nidhi who possibly are the only ones who are in total touch with me would go too one day. Is it the excessive thinking or is it how the life goes, people come, people go, they sort of move on in their language. Or maybe this is Virtual Life. Hmm, again went into a deeper thought process.

6 yrs its been on net, but still I have seen more negative people, or positives ones turning into negative. Maybe this virtual life requires to be fake or to be good to every person even if they arent, to let things happen without intervening. But then thats not the way I like it.

One good thing lately for me has been the interaction with classmates of my college. They are pretty nice people, and sort of reminds of old school days when main friends use to be in real life only.

Aneways, its still a long life to go.. and probably much more to see. This is just a smaller aspect of life which hasnt been easy to cope with till now. Till then, my thinking cap will remain on ...

Yash~

Friends - Who?

2011-01-28T03:40:00.000+05:30

What does a friend mean? What should be the role of a friend and how can you tell that this person actually deserves to be my friend ? How do you react when your friend behaves in a manner you dont want him/her to behave ? Too many questions ....

Infact, there are so many different takes possible on Friends. A friend maybe dominant, expecting you also to be dominant and if you arent, then a case arises of less compatibility. A friend maybe silent, now if you are also silent, then the conversations goes for a toss, again compatiblity missing. Then, there are friends who cares for you, but dont know how to show it.. because some people arent good at expressing feelings of any kind. Also, some friends wont support you yet they arent against you, these are the most tricky friends or the ones whom its hard to understand as to what path they want to follow and why so.

Where has that old definition of Friendship gone that use to say - "When two people can be themselves truely, without been fake, then they are bound to be good friends". Why today the changes keep coming in every friendship relation, why the bad side keeps coming out of every relation..

There are friends who part away for no reasons, there are some who are there yet they are not there and then there are some friends who fake that they are still there. There is a well known song
"Aate jaate khoobsurat awaara sadko pe, kitne anjaan log mil jaate hai,
unmein se kuch log bhool jaate hai, kuch yaad reh jaate hai "

Thats the irony, the strangers and the friends, its hard to differentiate between them. This also makes me wonder, just like a love relation says that you need to learn how to stay in love, similarly what are the things one should know to stay in friendship relation. Which mistakes should be forgiven and which shouldnt, which friends should be above any fights and which shouldnt.

In today's time, its essential to remain in touch otherwise the distance once made will keep growing. One already has to deal with lot of difficulties on the professional front, at such times its only 3 people that keeps you going - parents, friends and love. There is another famous saying "If a friendship ends, then you were never ever friends", I certainly disagree with it.. You can be very good friends yet a incident can change the relation totally but that shouldnt affect the good times spent together, and nor would it remove the fact that the good times were when both were friends.

Aneways, the whole que comes to "Who" you feel are your friends, and are you really fulfulling the duties of a friend properly.

----
Yash

Resolutions 2011

2010-12-27T22:17:00.000+05:30

Here are my resolutions for next year .. They may or may not work, but I always believe to have some resolutions, because if you dont make any, then there is no chance of it getting fulfilled.

1. To learn as much as possible about editing, and get a job by mid-year preferabbly in Mumbai only.

2. To watch more than 75 films(Hindi ones in theatre).

3. To remain the same and not change in a world where lots of individuals(mostly friends) change every year, its important that I continue to be myself irrespective of who likes me.

4. This one might be a regular resolution until it gets completed - To control anger over parents, friends and especially myself as so often I scold myself when in anger.

Okk, Now the ones that came in mind but didnt get in the top4 list :

• To listen less sad songs - have tried this one many times this year and last year but this one cant be achieved.
• To forgive people - inspite of reading many quotes that you feel better by forgiving ppl, I am one of those who cant forgive the ones who hurt me.
• To keep BB active always - I think this I will aneways do, so why waste a resolution on it.

Will do the analysis around this time next year.. I think this time I have made resolutions that can be achieved, atleast looks that way though long way to go. :P

Au Revoir!

Recap 2010 - Bad Moments

2010-12-24T00:36:00.001+05:30

This will be a long one, which is quite expected ..

• It started with nonsense stuff from one friend and some bunch of idiots at a comm just one day before 6th jan, my six sense told me that something gonna happen and it did occur. They spoiled the day to some extent if not fully. Those idiots were hell irritating for many months...

• Watching a friend behaving the way I had not seen him before, thought of him as a positve person but no that wasnt the case. A case of not able to identifying a person properly before going into good friends zone.

• Leaving a place where I was for 3.5 yrs but it had changed, its ppl had changed, they couldnt support me and I dont like to be friends with ppl who dont support me when I am right. Even today I keep a distance with the ones who couldnt understand me...

• Letting go a friend, was a tough decision, took in a hurry though sometimes we do take such decisions, irrespective of right or wrong. I do miss but at that time maybe I did right, I aint sure of this one yet ...

• Watching the people who didnt deserve to be at a particular place celebrating the Sept event that happens there. That was hard to see... Infact, some 10 days later, I shut down my account having friends on orkut to avoid reading sbs of friends who have those idiots in their list and to avoid going to that place. Its been 4 months now and the plan has worked, there are occasions when their name pops up in someone's comment on Fb, but thankfully I have remove post option on Fb, Twitter sucks in this regard..

• November as always was low for me. And what I hated was to see some friend behaving in a very wierd way without any valid reason...

• Okay enough of online bad moments, there was one where I ended up showing anger at my father, which I didnt like later. Sometimes I get too angry and I say stuff rudely which I later regret, because if you are rude to wrong person then nothing can be worse then that... It actually happened twice in the year, I am still working on controlling my anger, though I dont know how.

Only Remedy I find for these online bad moments is - Ignore them, be busy, enjoy doing what you like and you wont know how time passes by. Wont get anything remembering them(yea yea this post was just a recap of yr, once in a while yaad karna is okay, what I mean is not always remembering thing) Sometimes, I do get a feeling which ofcourse many others do that Real life is better than Online. But, I think my views against it are so strong that such feelings go out very quickly.. Both life are good, its the people in both places that makes it good/bad, just need to find the good ones, and ignore the bad ones whether its real or virtual.

Thats it for recap series this yr ..

Au Revoir!

Recap 2010 - Good Moments

2010-12-23T23:49:00.000+05:30

For me usually a year is like how bad it will be in comparison to last, instead of how good. There were very few good moments this year.

• Dil ki baatein yash ke saath show on orkut(besides finale). It was fun asking ques, very enjoyable experience, some funny replies, some emotional and some stupid ones too. Hectic sometimes but I never mind that as long as enjoyment factor stays.

• Formation of BB when the emptiness of film forum was getting too much on me, it came as a very good respite. Also the BB Aamne Samne show competition, liked the way the league matches shaped up though wish final 4 games went the way they should had.

• Going by metro daily to Delhi for exams in March(cinema course that I was doing then). Before this I had travelled just once by metro in Dec 2008 for a entrance test. Somehow I like travelling in a metro...

• Patch up with a friend in April though it lasted only 2 months but had some good time.

• April 22nd and 23rd as always, lots of activity, ignoring day to day life as those 2 days comes just once in the year ..

• Coming to Bombay for Editing course in Dec, always wanted to be here since childhood and then to live on my own was a thing I wanted to do too. Though its just a start but nice so far ..

• The RJ shows I did on orkut at both places, especially the purani jeans one and Srk one in Nov. Both were different, fun and very tiredsome stuff. During Srk one, I didnt sleep whole night even ...

Hmm thats it .. cant think of anything else ..

Au Revoir!

Recap 2010 - Resolutions and What I learnt. ..

2010-12-21T02:30:00.000+05:30

Things I learnt :

• There are some friends whom we mistake as our future good friends, as they slowly show their bad side and the friendship ends..
• Two people if in love end their love relation, then for them to remain friends.. it has to be a combined effort from both sides else it can never happen.
• Sometimes Truth loses out because People arent willing to see things in a broader way.
• Its important to find the happiness, and if it means to leave certain people and things then so be it.
• I can still be as miserable as I was 2 yrs ago.

Resolutions :

1. Regular at Colz.
2. Regular at FF.
3. Reviews of Films and Music on time.
4. Control anger, less fights ..

I was never regular at colz, so much that I left it in April. But now in this new colz, so far attended all 6 classes held :P .. So, I can take 0.25 pts here ;)

FF I aneways left due to all the nonsense happening there .. not interested to have any pts for it either.

Reviews I think from Jan itself I was on delay and till now I have not even written 10 music reviews. This year has been very poor in terms of music reviews. Again no pts.

Anger n fights, Nope this also didnt happen .. anger never goes, infact its way too much in me. Abt fights, I indulged in few and kept away from few. I guess no pts here too.

So, its 0.25/4 final score. Last year it was 2.5 and this time totally worse :P .. Lets see next year resolutions ka kya hota ..

Au Revoir!

Mumbai - Journey began ...

2010-12-20T01:43:00.000+05:30

I actually prefer Bombay only .. but I guess people like calling it Mumbai only so adjust karna padega. Its been around 10 days now. First time living on my own at age of 24, not sure how many such cases would exist. Always had a dream in childhood that my home existed in Bombay, though now living on rent but still living here has always been one of dreams and I wish it becomes permanent one too.

Came here by morning spicejet flight and it was also 1st one in my life. Wont say it was very good experience as somehow I felt little scared whenever plane would sort of go up-down at bad weather. But main prob was my ears got totally off, and for a second I felt I might become deaf. My ears got fine only by late night thankfully. Also, reached wrong airport by mistake, luckily had enough time to revert back to right one. :P

There is certain change in air, atleast thats how it felt when I was in taxi on way to college for accomodation. Living with a room-partner who is married and elder to me and unfortunately some different language, probably the local ones people speak here. Aneways, I hardly talk to him and there arent any probs either except for his Surya and Asianet kind of channels that are turned on. And yea his long snores, thats what he is doing right now ...

College by outside looked like utter nonsense, but to a great relief it was better from inside. Faculty seems good, and so far teaching has been nice. Btw I am doing Film Editing course, 6 months duration. We are taught to edit 1920 film currently, and its been a fun experience till now though its energy consuming work. Unfortunate thing is that we are just 6 students in batch with not a single girl! Maybe blessing in disguise to keep concentration going :P

Aneways the hardest things for me right now has been, managing clothes and food. I am too much choosy in food and whatever I have tried till now, I have disliked most of it. I am still in adjusting mode so yet to visit various parts of Mumbai, hopefully soon will do that :P

One thing I have noticed here is that the activity is very high, crossing roads is tough and walking is even tougher as the person walking from front never gives a side and is willing to hit me off, atleast it appears that way.. And another incident, went to a biryani shop and was provided a plate with no spoon.. had no other option but to eat with hands and it was such a wierd experience though the food was good :P ..

Aneways enough for now ... will keep updating in future ..

Au Revoir!

Signs or Symbols

2010-10-08T18:56:00.001+05:30

So often it happens that we see ourselves in other's life, our problems in their lives or our past problems - something similar which we may have already seen in our life present in someone else life.

Just 2 days back, I was watching a interview of Australian cricket player. Strangely, it made me think of FF and my relation. That player said "It had come to a point when I didnt wanted to be part of my team because the environment wasnt good, I always liked to enjoy but I couldnt. They had changed, or may be even I had changed a bit but the change was visible. For me, life isnt all about cricket, cricket and cricket. Its about enjoying ... " This so much reminded me of FF and change.

There are many films that keep using Signs as a way to tell protaganist to change or think about his/her decision. Just like I hate Luv storys where ofcourse it was done in way excess. Similarly, I have seen it happens a lot, when you think of something, next moment something related to it happens, its upto you whether you take it as co-incidence or a way to tell you something. Like once I had blogged in 2008 I think when breathing problem made me listen breathe songs or notice it a lot, it doesnt happen that much now but it did then as I was new to that problem or maybe the effect was high.

Sometimes, we are in sad mood. We turn on radio, and what we get is one of those sad songs that would make us even more sad. Infact, Films and Songs can be called as a metaphor of Life(leaving the entertainment kinda of stuff). They more then often end up getting related to us, whether its through a character, a scene or maybe a entire film.

So, the point is Signs and Symbols are so much part of life. They are always around us, and we can see it too. Its like there are things that keeps following you in your life, some things you like and some you dont, but you cant really help it. Thats how life is!

P.S : I have re-started or made a new Film Blog. You can view it here - Filmi World .

Facts about me ....

2010-08-11T02:05:00.003+05:30

Umm, aur kuch tha nahi post karne ko .. so yeh karne ka socha .. ;)

1. I can get angry on the smallest of the things you can even dream of.

2. I dont spare anyone when I am angry, be it friends or parents or anyone else, my tone sometimes becomes rude too.

3. I am totally non-religious yet there are occasions when I take name of God ...

4. I get a crush on every pretty girl I see daily whether on T.V or Real life or Virtual life.

5. I am bad when it comes to starting a conversation with a stranger or a person I am meeting for 1st time.

6. I get uncomfortable in eating alone at any place that has lots of people around.

7. It requires a broader mind to understand me, otherwise I will easily bluff.

8. I hate to see anyone say Jaane Tu was average film or any song wasnt good etc. Also, I dont like anyone using jaane tu dps.

9. I hate to see people change, I prefer people changing only if they change their bad side not the good one.

10. I always feel that truth comes first, I agree hard truth should always be avoided but only if its fine to the other person.

11. I feel all of us are good at giving advices, but when it comes to ourselves, we dont act.

12. I so hate missing even a single trailer when going for a film.

13. I hate to see unmarried/married couples for the known reasons whether in theatre or mall.

14. I have no control over my breathing problem that keeps coming back after weeks, no medicine can cure it except myself. Too much emotional/Anger are always the main reasons for it.

15. I am careless about my life most of the times.

16. I fear accidents the most whenever travelling.

17. I like to notice every minor thing in a film(whether I love it or not), and same goes for the music listening every single part with different imaginations. Also, I love connecting them to my own life.

18. I am very stubborn, I like doing what I think is right. Very rarely, I would listen to anyone else.

19. I hate it when I see anyone among my friends upset for a silliest of a reason. Though for them, it may not be silly but when I look at it, I find it silly.

20. I like to eat variety of food everyday otherwise I start skipping meals.

21. I hate to see people delete scraps from their scrapbook on orkut, for me its very much kiddish.

22. If a person is good with me, I am equally good too.. But if a person isnt good with me, then I aint less bad with that person either.

23. I hate festivals(mostly all) .. especially the new year which somehow I dont like to be wished for due to some reasons.

24. The thing I hate the most is, when I am right and still I end up on the loosing side. I have learnt that in this world, truth has less supporters.

25. There are things that I hide, where and what, cant reveal until I am alive.

Agar koi fact missing lage, toh add kar dena comments mein .. I hope I covered all :P

FF!

2010-08-02T15:13:00.005+05:30

Its been a month now since I left FF .. It always used to be my 1st priority even when I had everything or later when I had nothing. But now I feel was it really worth all that .. After watching some of ridiculous people and the way they got support from the main people of FF, I have lost all faith in FF and there's no comeback possible.

It was funny how badly people bashed the dkb finale. Tusshar, Nikita, Divya('disgusting and childish' the words that describes her reply) are aneways gone cases so couldnt have expected anything but stupid replies from them, but rest people joined in too to be not left behind in their views, and some of their replies totally looked like we just want to write something against too since all are doing it. They were hurt, and hence I had to appologise not because I was wrong but only to make them feel comfortable and not bad. I was always right but problem is, people arent willing to see what is right, they are just going to support a particular list of people no matter what comes.

Divs Sir even accused me of my age, but even having seen less life then him.. I can easily see what is right, what is wrong, who is faking, who is real. Had he understood the problems, this finale would had happen so differently. But when people keep their eyes closed, something had to give.

When I left FF, I was sure I wont be back but wasnt sure if I would be able to manage without it. But this month goneby didnt give me too many chances to miss FF which quite much sums up how bad FF has become for me.

Every incident has some positives too, this one also has it.. all my time consuming for FF is now utilised for watching films which I would never used to get time earlier due to non stop FF things. I can relax more, have more fun and so many things... And I always wanted this to happen one day, though not the way it happened.

I know nothing is going to change now, those people got the limelight due to the incident who are double faced. And ofcourse Rafnas type people are supported too, Kudos to people like Divs sir and Kiran. They would either talk of me in bad way or ways to bring me back, but would never look at the reasons why I left and how to remove those reasons, as they cant even see.

Reason why I took so much time to write on this, is the fact that the more earlier I had written, the more anger I would had shown in my posts. Though, in my private blog I have done that too :p

Aneways, another fact funny enough is that this place lasted 3 year and half months too. Is 3 yr, 6 months sort of setbacks or maybe me getting superstitous :p But one thing I am happy about is, this place not working for me had only to do with rest people's attitude or behavior and not me, good to see that I wasnt at fault atleast here. ;)

Life goes on, when one of ur priority goesby, the rest priorities eventually shifts one places up ..

It was great to be part of FF for initial years ...

Hasta la Vista!

Haridwar 2 day tour ..

2010-05-30T02:55:00.003+05:30

Went to haridwar for 2 days with family. I didnt wanted to go as such but then ghar ka muhurat tha so had to be there. It was sort of a journey that I dont want to remember, there wasnt anything bad during this journey as such but nothing good either.

What I disliked the most was, how much religious that place was. I mean for a non-religious person like me, it was like having trouble to breathe in. The moment, we entered Haridwar, all I could see is either temples, or some religious place or thing or photo, and add to it, the atmosphere is so peaceful and silent there. Atleast, thats how it appeared during those days.

Ofcourse, was in the puja of muhurat too, in which had to not just watch but take part too. It reminded me of 9th to 12th classes of school, when such havan's used to happen on daily purpose and I use to somehow lie that I have put the indegrients in the fire so that I aint going to do all that stuff. :d

This time too was noticing the Pandits, their mantras and all stuff. It was quite nice until the light went, and the room was full of smoke through the fire but forced to continue the puja.

Aneways, later after that went to Ganga river.. another of religious place where people take baths and its said that your paap of life are taken away from the river and etc things. As expected, I took it as a viewing place and didnt do bath or such stuffs. But there was such a huge crowd there, most of them were enjoying being there. :P

Also, we had stayed at Dad's friends house, who was religious along with his wife and daughter... And guess what, there door bell rings and says "mata ki jai something" . All this makes me wonder, if Dad-Mom are so religious and taken home at such place, how will I cope with it in future.

Even had some breathing problem again after coming back home, but all that seemed to be result of tiredness as feeling much better now.

For now, we arent shifting to Haridwar, and putting the house for rent till we do shift. So, nothing to think about all this for now atleast. /)

Hasta la Vista!

Are Girls really So Matured than Boys ?

2010-05-20T10:40:00.002+05:30

Its been a sort of fact and many say it too, may be me too some time ago that Girls have better maturity level than boys. They are more matured, and gain maturity much earlier than boys. But, time and again, I have seen incidents that makes me feel Girls act in a immature manner too and just like boys, they never notice it and If boys will try to make them notice it, they will not agree to it. So, typical na! :d

Worrying thing while writing this post is that almost every reader of my blog is a girl. But then what I feel I dont like to hide. And nothing like that I want to show that boys are above girls as I know they arent either. Just that girls arent really that much above as its been always said. They also do act in a utterly bad way at times. They do some mistakes, some mistakes which they hide through funniest ways by bringing their typical emotional stuff into the story. But the thing is, a childish thing will remain childish even if it has a emotional angle to it. Unfortunately, they dont understand it, neither they can be made to.

Even their anger sometimes results in things said by them that are so unlike the real of them. Though, in case of anger, every person looses control of his/her self and tends to say stuffs which he/she realizes very late was wrong and if doesnt realize then his/her loss.

Aneways, I just wanted to say that over the time, I have kept noticing all this and I strongly believe in it. I somehow hate to see Immatured people. But, the toughest thing is to see people who you term as matured act in a immatured manner on occasions. Even FF is full of immatured people, cant list the names as I feel the list is long. And ya, regarding me.. I dont want to write anything, would be wrong to form opinion about myself on my own... though I feel I come into the category of those who are matured but at times talk in a immatured manner.

Khair .. thats it for now ..

P.S - My health is very much better now since the last blog post, medicines worked. And I have had lots of cold drinks since then, so thats a proof that doctors were talking rubbish.

Hasta la Vista!

Once again ..

2010-05-08T02:35:00.001+05:30

Nothing noteworthy has happened in my life since last blogpost. Most of the time goes while watching the cricket matches, first Ipl and now World Cupt20. It was great to have 2 good days, 22nd and 23rd april, birthdays of 2 people that are everything to me. They are the only 2 people in my life that matters the most to me. This makes me wonder sometimes, will that be the case for entire life or not.. I hope that it is indeed forever. Like last year, enjoyed those days. Also, to be on the show at FF on their birthdays was special. It was so special that I ended up being so nice during the show, probably missed the rude and arrogant side of mine.

Not interested to update about professional life, there's nothing to write on it so will wait for something to happen and update then only. I have noticed one thing that in last one month or so, I have drunk so much of cold drinks, almost break record types. But the breathing problem that has returned back big time since more than a week now, has no resemblance with that(ya ya, someone wont agree). Just the past keeps haunting, and the present isnt good either so the end result is this problem. I wonder sometimes if I would die one day due to it only.(just wondered na, didnt meant that I want to die or so.. may be I want but .. ok ok stopping)

Today only started taking medicines, lets see how quickly I recover this time as its very painful right now, as painful as Nov 2008 one. The doctor says dont drink or eat cold stuff(such stupid doctors are there, they think they will say such ridiculous stuff, and I will obey it.. ab summer mein kya garam things piyu or khaayu.. go to hell ).

There were few days when I was getting lazy to post even at FF. But then its quite regular stuff, whenever it gets too hot, every year I do this. Now, its back to the normal and have ended some pending threads though still few left. Will try to end them after this blogpost. Its been more than 3 months now I think since I left HML. I am happy that I have managed without it so well, and hope to continue it like this, atleast I am saved from the ghutan those ppl provide especially the likes of Arpan and Rafnas, so good to see them away from FF.

Havent been watching films either, just one english film yesterday, eternity sunshine of spotless mind(film about erasing memory related to particular person) and today badmaash company. The former one was a confusing film but quite good one. In love with raavan and kites songs, though since 2-3 days havent heard much songs either. Need to get normal very soon.

Also, I was wondering that I have stopped intereacting with new people(take it as girls), at orkut atleast as in real hardly meet anyone. Do suggest some good active community if possible(for timepass only) :d.

Chalo kaafi likh liya... time to runnnn .. ;) .. will be back soon with updates or new topic if any /)

Hasta la Vista!

Married Couples ..

2010-04-09T02:55:00.000+05:30

I was going to write on it months earlier but never got the time. I always get haunted by a feeling whenever I watch a evening or night show i.e any show after 5 pm.

This Jan or Feb, while going to a film.. the same feeling came. What I get to see is that the lady out of the married couple would ask the man if he would like to have popcorn and something etc, but the way they will ask it, it would show their care for them. This takes me to my old topic of Arrange Marriage vs Love Marriage, but wont really like to talk on that as have said a lot on it previously. I only want to say that doesnt such couples make you feel that even though both care a lot for each other, the love factor isnt visible ? Or this care for each other can be termed as love. I am here talking of above 40 couples, less than that look pretty good so not easy to identify if they are arranged ones or love ones.

Waise its not that I notice these things only while watching film, these are part of before the film, interval and after the film that I notice a lot. :d

Also, sometimes I think that if its only care and not love, then how do the arrange couples carry out their entire life, does marriage means only a responsiblity for them ?

Regarding, why I get haunted.. I guess I neednt tell that it keeps reminding me of my future life where I wont be having a girl who cares like that or so, may be the jealousy makes me feel that those couples dont love each other. Not really sure!

Hasta la Vista!

Boring Summers ...

2010-04-08T04:20:00.001+05:30

These Summers are so boring, dont feel like doing anything. I even dont like to eat much especially the lunch which I always skip. Just cold stuff, drinks etc. What I hate the most is to travel in such hot sunny afternoon, too irritating.

And this place where I live has such a huge problem of Light cuts, its just april, real problem comes by the end of april when cant live without cooler but light will play the spoilsport everyday. :p

Only Good thing happened is that I have temporily got rid of Breathing problem, though still get it when I get too angry otherwise its way better then the cold chilly weather days.

Just gave exams of 1st Sem last month, again the same Dont care attitude, getting at 10 am in morning, studying 2 hours and giving exam at 2:30 pm.

For now, spending all the time, either at FF or Mafia Wars/Farmville(so many times crops get withered :P) or IPL Betting :p (legal one)

Even the films arent too pleasing, next big film is Housefull(akshay starrer so you know what stupid things to expect in the film). Loving this new work of RJ at FF, not just that all get to listen songs this way but also because this way I am getting loads of songs to hear which I wasnt till now. Its so good to listen to a vast collection of songs rather then sticking to few of songs which I do sometimes and I hate myself when I do that.

Waise Loved Kites Songs, that really came at right time..

Khair filhaal toh waiting for 2 important days :p .. Nothing else interesting to come up for now.

Hasta la Vista!

Met a drunkard person

2010-02-03T05:52:00.000+05:30

First time met a person by chance who was fully drunk. Actually was coming back home from colz, was sitting in front of auto and he sat towards my left. The smell of alcohol came when he talked. For some time I was worried as the place he was sitting was risky in such a state.

Aneways his conversation started with me "bhai saab maine pi nahi rakhi". I was wondering if I should say "jhooth kyu bolte ho" but kept quiet and nodded yeaa. Then, he again repeated the same line, and I kind of felt lets look some other side. So, he changed talk and said, "bhai saab ko problem ho rahi hogi, main right mein baith jaata hoon". The auto person stopped and made him sit properly on right. Then, I got free from him, but his conversations kept going on, now with the driver.

"Tumhe pata hai, peeke kabhi drive nahi karni chahiye.. maine pi nahi rakhi", the auto driver repeated my action and nodded yeaa. Then, the drunkard said "he always drives safely, even at 100 speed :o". Next funny incident came, when 3 policewomen sat in the auto. The drunkard told the driver, "inse pooch lo, yeh paise denge ya nahi.. paise zaroor lena inse". The policewomen were like, "hum police mein hai toh kya hua, paise zaroor denge" and the driver was trying to convince that he has faith in them and nothing like the drunkard is saying. :p I was like, "mera stop kab ayega".

Then, my stop came.. surely that drunkard would had more fun with the ppl in the auto thereafter too.

Though, I wonder which drink he had, couldnt relate to the smell at all. :o

Missing Filmssss .......

2010-01-20T01:44:00.000+05:30

Missed both Pyar Impossible and Chance pe Dance, will Veer be my 1st film of 2010? I wish somehow I manage to watch one of these before Veer. All this is due to the work of FF, plus the hectic college schedule as attended all days last week, and this week trying to do the same though bunked today.

For now I am in love with Striker songs, do catch them (though there is just one romantic number in it).

Do keep a check on film blog, it will be very active from now on and I really mean it ;)

By the way, the shortest blog post ever by me /)

Hasta la Vista!

Jan 6th - 1 year that was ....

2010-01-06T19:57:00.000+05:30

Completed a successful 1 year that had deaths written all over it. I still remember Jan 7th when I first time thought of killing myself and that day I realized how tough its to cut ur nerve(really). Such thoughts kept coming till many months before I actually stopped talking of dying.(though they are still with me but I dont do anything)

The nights used to be till 5 am for me, never use to get the sleep. Though, now its fine(so ya some things do become normal with time). The 7th jan - 22nd jan was toughest, how much I struggled to find friends as Yash, the stranger feel look to get by many and also to join a comm where people use to talk of death every moment and I eventually left that place in Feb. It was Sivagami who was friendly with me in that music comm and also first friend who didnt know about Punnu and just Yash.

I use to celebrate all the imp days like Feb14th, Feb21st etc etc. But the feeling of what rest will think of me always use to come. Still I didnt care as one just shouldnt if you feel you arent wrong.

I was told by everyone that I am mad to be loving a person who dumped you and thats how most still think but then how to make them believe that I didnt fall in love with a condition that you have to be with me. Is it so wrong to love someone who loves someone else and is no longer with you, does that mean that your own love for that person will fade or end, atleast it didnt happen in this 1 year...

Ya, I did end up committing a crime, I did hurt feelings of someone and it was entirely my fault. But it also made me realize that I cant fall in love again, because my 1st love is too strong for me to accept a new relation at all.

I have been changing my mindset from being sad to being happy for the sake to being happy for real to being sad. I still dont know how I am supposed to live from tomorrow onwards.

In the end only thing I have to say is that dont expect me to forget and move on with life as I wont. Its probably the deciding year for me professionally and I will try not to spoil it but I cant really promise it as its not easy ....

I want to remain like this only, you all can call me a mad lover as doesnt really matter to me.

Lets see next year when I complete 2nd journey, how much different it will be. As its just the beginning of a life that has nothing in store, so need to settle even if it takes lots of years.

P.S - Thanks to the FF incident, this day got somewhat spoiled. And I threw my anger at hml. Enough, I am out of there. Let old members come and will be back there again. New members, well nothing to say!

And ya .. comments closed on this post.

Hasta la Vista!

2010 -> Resolutions ...

2009-12-30T19:13:00.000+05:30

So, here are my Resolutions for the next year :

1. Regular at colz ..
Had bunked soooooo much this year, specially when I wanted to be so much focussed. It has to do with the college so far from home and then the mood that shifts up-down regularly.

2. Regular at ff ..
I was quite regular this year, though I feel first half of year mein I didnt post as much as last year and also sept incident ke baad had a quiet 15-20 days. So, will try to be regular each day at FF next year unless pc problems ho. :p

3. Reviews of films n music on time ..
Was so poor in this one this year, still have so many pending reviews. So, 2010 mein will post reviews the moment I see the film and music reviews within 2 days after giving them enough chances.

4. Control anger, less fights ..
Had lots of fights this year and mostly reason was not able to cope with anger. I know I wont be able to do this in 2010 too, but still try karne mein kya jaata. Atleast will try to limit the fights, anger management toh khair tough hai, no solution yet. /)

Some other resolutions that I thought were :

• Will study hard - but phir socha yeh kabhi poora nahi hota resolution so lets not put pressure on mind that you have a resolution to study hard. Waise bhi dont follow success, follow brillaince then success khud peeche ayegi. :d

• Will put only good dps - yeh wala toh 1st week mein hi toot jaata resolution toh aisa resolution banayo hi kyu jo 1 week bhi na chale :))

• Will be strict with my ratings on films - yeh last year bhi socha tha banane ko and didnt , and same this year as I feel that I am made to like films I see not a critic to find faults all the time. Love karo na phir ;)

Thats it, iss blog post ko 1 year baad refer karunga. Hopefully I get 3/4 if not 4/4. ;)

Hasta la Vista!

Kaise mujhe tum mil gayi ....

2009-12-30T18:57:00.000+05:30

Last year, Saw the film 3rd time on this day only... 30th Dec. Naaa, not celebrating anniversary of it. Just like that felt to post the song from it and my fav moment of the film as seen in the photo.

ho ho ho o o oo o oo o o
ho ho ho ho oo o oo oo oo o o
ho hoo ooo hooo hoo o hoooo ooo ooo hooo ho ho ho ho ooo ooo

kaise mujhe tum mil gayi
kismat pe aaye na yakeen
utar aayi jheel mein tum
jaise chaand utarta hai kabhi
haule haule
dheere se

gunguni dhoop ki tarah se
tarannum mein tum
chu ke mujhe
gujri ho yun
dekhu tumhe ya main sunu
tum ho sukoon tum ho junoon
kyun pehle na aayi tum

kaise mujhe tum mil gayi
ho o oo o
kismat pe aaye na yakeen
ho ho ho oo o oo

main toh yeh sochta tha
ke aaj kal
upar wale ko fursat nahi
phir bhi tumhe
bana ke woh
meri nazar mein char gaya
rutbe mein woh aur badh gaya

hoooo hoooooo hooo aaaa aaa aaaaaaaaaaa
aaa aaaaa aaaa aaaa aaaaaaaa aaaaaaa aaaaaa

badle raaste jharne aur nadi
badli deep ki tim tim
chere zindagi dhun koi nayi
badle barkha ki rimjhim

badlegi rituye adaa
par main rahungi sada
ussi tarha teri
baahon mein baahe daal ke
har lamhaaa
har pal ...

ho ho ho hoooo hooooo aaaa aaaaa aaaaaaa
aaaa aaaaaa aaaaaa aaaa aaaaa aaaaaa

zindagi sitaar ho gayi
rimjhim malhaar ho gayi
mujhe aata nahi
kismat pe apni yakeen
kaise mujhko
mili tum ................................

Recap - Resolutions and What I learnt. ..

2009-12-29T19:06:00.001+05:30

I learnt a lots of things in 2009 ..

• Its not easy to show fake happiness.
• When you are sad, sad songs will only deepen ur sadness. So, use it in ur favour by not listening or against by listening.
• I am bad at understanding people, I kept getting this taunt lots of time by many.
• The real happiness is only when you are loved by the person you love.
• If people question you, and you know that you are right, then dont give a damn to those people.
• Do what you like, even if it is going to give you pain as atleast you will be true to yourself.
• We say things in anger which we regret saying later.
• Better speak lies, then saying a truth that hurts the other person.
• Try to understand your feelings first, dont try to force it otherwise it will mislead you.

Resolutions -

1. Do as much as can for FF.
2. To be as strict as I can with myself and with all members when they go wrong way.
3. Wont make use of any emotions on orkut including ff.
4. Will give low ratings to all music albums and films, so that I can increase them later if I feel the need.Dont want to give high ratings and later reduce them, as I dislike doing that.

1st resolution, I did very well, 2nd one I think I succeeded in doing it since that sept ff incident. 3rd one I didnt do though since last month I havent made use of any emotions. While 4th one also, quite much I did this year.

Its 1 and .5 and .25 and .75. So, 2.5 out of 4 resolutions ;)

Hasta la Vista!

Recap - Bad Moments of 2009!

2009-12-29T17:49:00.004+05:30

When I look back at this year, I wonder if 2008 had more bad moments or 2009. That statement quite sums up this year for me. Aneways, the long list of bad moments starts now ......

• Ofcourse, it all starts with Jan 6th, 2009. There is a dialogue in a film that " Rishtey buri tarah se hi toot te hai warna kabhi toot te hi nahi". Thats what happened, the relation ended with her. Left FF making a thread, Punnu last message for all. Thought wont come to FF or Yahoo messenger ever. But that wasnt the case, needed to be here as had nothing else to do. Took some 15 days before I joined FF with a new identity.

• Feb 14 and Feb 21, celebrated them, but alone, in 3 years first time, and many more to come.

• March 1st week, got to hear her voice after so long but the feel of stranger came for first time.

• It was in Feb end or March starting when had 1st of the three main fights with Suhaila. It was a truth n dare game where I was told to write the good and bad points on her. And as I always do, I wrote truth without caring and the bad points truth hurted her and Mayur. :p So, a lesson, a lie is better than a truth that hurts ;) .

• April 17th, when had a first time online talk since jan 9th with her, and the feel of stranger was coming with each and every second which I had already felt last month on phone. It irritated me a lot, so much that I even thought such is the love, aneways. April 22nd, the thing I had written on Yahoo didnt please me. Out of anger and emotions, wrote the dead thing but the reason was the talk of 17th that was all over me. The day had something missing all the time with some bad memories.

• May when had 2nd fight with Suhaila , this time it was on a person at orkut and then some day after it was on Hml awards. They weren't good fights, and I wrote lot of stuff on that in personal blog too. But since they no longer comes in memory, so its not a worrying thing. I still dont know who was wrong, and I dont think either on it.

• 4th and 6th July were bound to give me old memories feel. During the end of July, had another talk but this time it was not in a good way as I was ordered to remove our photo from Yahoo which ofcourse I rejected to do. Wonder how much bad people do become with time, they see only themselves, nothing else.

• August 11, when I decided to resign as a host from HML, it was to happen when during the show I kept watching people accusing roadies as a reason of less activity at the comm and they were mainly Hardik, Swati, Annu and may be few more. I cant tolerate wrong stuff so I back off in such cases. Till now I dont have good relations with them and wont have either. Though, its not their fault, HML never was a place where I could expect good behaviour from people with few exceptions.

• September 18 it was, when some wrong comments came in the warning thread from unexpected people. When I think of it now, I feel they were not wrong but they didnt know the way to say their things. When you present correct thing in bad way, you are always on wrnog side only. They had a problem with chatting done in the threads then should had told limit it in a better way. But their way was sarcastic and making ppl hurt instead. I wanted to reply to Divya's comments but since Sir had told to finish it there so didnt. I always tried to do things that makes FF work. If the chatting was done a lot then it was working in FF favour but then who cares to listen when you have got a point fixed with urself.

But still, even this terrible incident brought a positive for FF. The chatting was ofcourse almost ended, I had pledged to be as strict as I can. I am still following it but also I decided not to work in groups any longer. When people dont understand you, whats the use of working with them. I started working alone, I had FF movie of month(done myself alone), Report Card (myself alone) and now even the Sabse fav kaun awards were mainly done by me only. I have parted away from mods. If they have problem in my working then I will work the way they want but alone. The positive ofcourse was that the threads were managed in a better way especially reviews one and some threads that involved group effort were single handedly activated by me, thankfully they have been working very well.

I had also decided not to be part of Jury for FF Film awards 2009, will take a final call on it soon. This will be a little tough one as I have always liked to be directly linked to it. Will see what to do in Jan.

• A bad september, I was getting disinterested in posting at FF. Even started to use HML more at a time. But that didnt work either. And rest things that lead up werent right either.

• I saw Jism on Oct 25th I think, though for many it would be just another film, some may have liked it, loved it or even disliked it. I did love it but there was a reason behind it. I had always been keen to see the film, felt it would have something to which I would relate myself, when I saw the film I felt I was watching myself instead of John(ofcourse not that the entire story or etc like mine). Its just that the way he takes his life in the film, and then the songs Awarapan banjarapan whose sad version I wanted to see. That entire song scene including the pre climax dialogues made me cry a lot. Even now I havent deleted the film from pc, whenever I feel like I watch that scene. The emptiness is so much felt when i watch john in this film. Actually, I dont know if this is a good moment or bad moment or no moment. But it had a effect on me, surely not a positive one. For next few days, when I used to get late and bunk classes, I use to sit at a stand and wonder about my life and remember John. One day even came close to buy beer, but somehow stopped myself as I know its a matter of habit if I start it then it wont end.

• I had a small misunderstanding issue which was the 3rd fight(not actually fight though) with Suhaila and this time it went for 1 month. Just a bad communication and it all happened. Though, it was Keeru and Baani who kept influencing not to wait as always and this time take first initiative to make it work again. And thats what I did.

• The last three incidents had a deep effect(leaving jism one), so much that I even started blaming myself for every relation to slip by, be it my 1st love or friends. As always I ended up taking another decision, the one which Punnu took during last year resolution of not using emotions at all(I knew I had failed that time, still thought to do it). And I am still doing it very well. Emotions on net present your feelings, but if you predict feelings on net without help of emotions then here is the chance, do it ;) .

• Also, I ended up leaving HML for a week, wasnt happy at birthday threads being deleted. I seriously wonder why owner makes anyone mod without even knowing. Due to him we have a big community but he is a bad owner anytime. For me when I am connected to anyone, I dont let that memory go, memories do stay in heart then on pages but when you read them on pages, you get such a nostalgia feeling, so was damn irritated to see such things being done. Wonder aur kya kya dekhna baaki in future HML pe. Wish old members come back and its the same old community.

It might sound wierd , but this is a edited list of bad moments. I have saved a lot for the d day to come. Call it coincidence or what, last year I had Sept - Dec as my worst phase of life and this year again I have them as one of worst months of year with January as a addition this time. ;)

Hasta la Vista!

Recap - Good Moments of 2009!

2009-12-27T20:56:00.000+05:30

Last few days left of the year, so I will look back at the good and bad moments of the year. This time will start with the good moments first. ;)

• I think 1st one has to be when I was having a tough time on Music mast comm(ofcourse left FF) with new identity of Yash, precisedly around 15th Jan. It was a girl named Sivagami who was more friendly then others who kept giving a stranger look. Was nice communicating with her and till now didnt tell her anything about name n all as probably felt good to see being called Yash.

Then 23rd jan, when I ended 15 days exit from FF, had a feeling that will I get the same response as I got for a week in other comm but that wasnt the case as the stranger feeling went in FF. My first post was in the bets thread. ;)

• 14th Feb and 21st Feb, few of rare days when I didnt try to be sad and also heard romantic english songs whose cd I had bought. My english playlist is really bad so this cd did help me get some new good songs that are so close to me now like words, right here waiting, unbreak my heart etc etc.

• In March, while continuing my invalid attempt to make HML active, came a interesting person Arpan who was very friendly, very addictive to music and little bit to films, very keen to make the community happening. Found a good friend in him, some lovely moments, some masti, ended up being Jai veeru pair. And ofcourse the community suddenly became happening rather than a bore.

Also, I won the FF Filmi Freak Star member of month which I couldnt win in Feb. It was fun cheating a lot and ending up winning(ofcourse rules were such that you could cheat).

Had a community made on Yash and have quite well managed it till now.

Had the 1st Sabse Fav FF Members Awards, won in few categories. ;)

• 22nd and 23rd April, two special people's birthdays, Tashu and Suhaila. Enjoyed both days, couldnt complete the birthday gift in time though. Also decided that will try to remain happy even if its forceful, though this didnt work out after a week. :p

• In May, the 3rd FF Awards took place, very very late this time but I wanted it to happen by any way, in the end it was nice to see the results. Ofcourse, my personal fav was Imran n Genelia winning Best Jodi. :d

• June had the 1st HML Awards, it was a tiring work though had the rest jury to do the work too. Won in few categories and it really made the community super active, little jealous too that it was going above FF.

• In July, finally sent birthday gift which was the pending work I kept saying non stop. Also, we started Roadies in HML(a show that never started at FF). And I also became very good friends with Binish and Keerthi during the roadies show only, though we had become friends since HML Awards only. Also, Maman who use to be a silent member before this year for me, saw her quite active, always doing funny things. :p

Ofcourse those special days July4th, 6th, 12th were also part of it. 4th was the best of them when re-lived the entire fav scenes and songs from Jaane tu ya jaane na.

• In August, came the winners list, Binish winning and Keerthi second, both were my favs before start of show and even among my group which was formed during 1st phase of the show. And then, decided why not start the pending show at FF too and this time played as a roadie. There were some good moments like the one when did a task with Vishal at 4 am or when I did a task of posting 3 fav scenes ever, again at 4 am.

Cant forget Kaminey film, saw it 5 times, I think it was 4 times in row(Friday 2times,Saturday and Sunday). It was a amazing experience.

• September had the FF Carnival, and guess what I wasnt really prepared this time, was even thinking not to host at all and just play. But as all know, ended up hosting so much though this time got so many other hosts too who did a lot like Nidhi, Suhaila(she is always there). It was the 2nd best carnival at FF ever, best being 2007 one.

• In October and November, used to spend most time with Keeru. Some really good days, for a moment thought may be happy days are back again though that wasnt the case.

Some of the other good moments that I didnt list above were :

• When I met Vishal and Prachi, only time when I met anyone this year. Had great time together, loved pizza of Papa Johns in Cp. ;)
• The quizzes played at Facebook and the test others types too, had nice time pass. And ofcourse, Mafia Wars that I am totally addicted too now.
• Some of the truth n dares I played and the show Sach ka saamna. ;)
• The new orkut fever, it brought some life into boring days.
• Betting at FF, wish I won but still I did very well.
• Watching Pakistan win World 20-20(I love to see them win).

Thats all, lots of good moments listed there, and almost all are related to net only. ;) But thats how I am, I dont socialize in real life much. Tomorrow will write on the Bad Moments of 2009.

Hasta la Vista!

Family .....

2009-12-25T10:53:00.000+05:30

Yesterday, when I went to see 3Idiots night show... as expected there was lots of family audience. This irritates me, not because they arent good but I end up getting disturbed mentally. Cant really see a family together with a small kid looking cute, speaking with his sweet voice, calling his parents and the parents giving him lots of love. Hmm, some dreams come in picture watching all this.

Wish there was a time set for family to come at this time for a show or shopping centre, different time for couples and different for singles. Hehe, I am talking nonsense but still if that could happen would had been so better for people like me who want to be away from such audiences.

Will be posting my recap of 2009 year in details like I did last year. I remember I did it after 6th jan last year, wrote so much and revealed so much in it, probably out of frustration and state of mind that I was in. Will try to take care of not writing things which shouldnt be written this time around.

Hasta la Vista!

Chalo ek baar phir se ....

2009-12-05T20:26:00.000+05:30

Thought a lot about the things in my last blog post. Got some nice advices too from expected and unexpected people too. I have taken some decisions, obeying some of the advices and going against the rest.

Its so funny that it was the same time last year almost when I had made a resolution at FF which was not to use emotions at all. Though, it lasted for few days only. Doing the same now, as I have realized the problem is only Me. So, even though I will try to be happy and make others also happy. But that doesnt mean ki I cant be sad ever :o , come on normal insaan hun 365 days happy koi bhi nahi rehta iss world mein :d .

At the same time, I will keep punishing myself for hurting people and letting relations slip time and again by not using any emotions on orkut or anywhere on net.

Once I feel I have learnt what are relationships, once I feel I am good to be called friend of anyone, only then I will re use the emotions. For now, I have the feeling that I aint a good friend, I aint a good bf. This feeling needs time to go for sure. Just 10 days wont help.

No one is perfect and I aint aiming to be one either but apni kamiya toh door karni hi chahiye jitni kar sakte utni, so doing that only. Also, I cant come to HML as I dont get the happy feeling there anymore. Even FF doesnt give me a happy feeling many times but then you dont leave your home even if you face problems.

Okk diverting to something else now, I wrote a 3 min script for a college practical/assignment on a topic. How it went, was it accepted or not and rest details will write next week.

Thats all for now ..

Hasta la Vista!

People Change, Its Life - Are they Right ?

2009-11-29T21:15:00.000+05:30

I am feeling much better health wise now, as last week had got the breathing problem back. Whenever I think too much with a dose of past, I get this problem. Aneways its okk for now atleast though not fully.

Just few mins back I was reading old blog posts, there was a blog post I had made the same day last year in private one though. It had me cursing the people who change, the relationships that are no longer the same.

And today a year after that, I am doing the opposite, I am cursing myself. Situation is still the same, the relationships are not the same, ppl changed but this time I am looking it from my side rather then other side. I feel if people change in a relationship then its not to do with them alone, you also have a part in it. You must have missed out on something or not being loyal fully that makes the other person have a opinion on you.

Such opinions only leads to strong reactions which further breaks relationships. So, question is that aren't both party equally responsible in such cases, or is it always the fault of only one of the two or to take the safe side, say that it depends on the situation.

Another thought comes to mind that, if you see a person changing then shouldnt be your duty to ask why such changes coming in you, or try to stop them from increasing. Or should you keep it to that person to himself solve it out.

We always say, changes are part and parcel of life. With time, we change as the situations demand it. But, the thing is that do we change for the good or not. Is it really required or just for the sake of something new, you change.

I know I have changed my name, but as a person how much I have changed, in what way, good or bad, and if bad, then is it my fault or not, I dont have any answers to them. And its the main reason, I havent been normal since last few days.

So, let me get answers of these, as I said in the start, I have too many thoughts going in my mind right now which are leading to nowhere at present. Let time give me a answer even if its against me.

P.S - Dont connect my post to any single person, as this is related to people I know from this year and also the people I know since many years.

Hasta la Vista!

Ten Most Awkward Situations

2009-11-18T23:12:00.001+05:30

There may be even more than that, but the 10 most awkward situations would be these for me.

1. To have a one on one conversation with a person whom I am meeting for 1st time (whether stranger or net friend).

2. To see someone cry in real or even on phone, completely clueless what to do in such situations.

3. When I try to bargain with a vehicle person or a shop person.

4. When I have to patch up with anyone, find it hard to initiate talk.

5. When I reach theatre hall late, find it very hard to reach to the seat in darkness, have a less vision in dark problem.

6. When a teacher asks why you came late for class, I get so nervous and end up making duffer excuses.

7. When I am asked que like - You prefer Friends or Love, Family or Love, Family or Friends. Hard to choose one in them.

8. Hiding when I am low at home from the parents, not letting them know to avoid questions that could be asked.

9. To eat a meal with friends in a restaurant, if that meal contains dhaniya(forgot its english word). Its not possible for me to have such meal but cant fully avoid either.

10. When a beggar comes in front of me, I am like should I give 1-2 rs or not. And if not, then how to ignore and turn face away. Difficult! :p

Thats it, these were the most awkward situations for me, could be many more. There are some situations that are in my mind and I wonder if they become true, how would I tackle them.

Aneways, thats all for now ..

Hasta la Vista!

Something at last ...

2009-11-17T19:35:00.000+05:30

Its been a week since I have come daily to write a new entry on blog but due to shortage of ideas, ended up writing nothing. Nothing strikes my mind these days, and no inspiration to write either. Nothing happening in life either.

Firstly, dont feel bad about me being away, as I am not, just not talking to anyone as I need sometime(dont know how much). The feeling that I am bad at handling relationships is the only reason I am doing this. It has to go, only then I would be comfortable talking.

Also, it was irritating to see today how people misuse their power at the name of anything. Do memories mean anything to them, and if not, then atleast they could think about other people. Nonsense people, always trying to act smart. Dont want to mention whom and what this thing is related to but it was not good to see for me, may be rest might have a altogether different perception but I always feel memories should always be kept forever.

Also, the thought of deleting orkut account or friends or may be strangers from list came in mind but ended up doing nothing. Thankfully! Though I am still tempted...

Aneways, Today was one of good days at college, did news reading in front of class, though I did it badly but finally I attempted it after trying to run away since many days from it. Though the best thing today was the photography practical class, first time I holded a camera, adjusted settings, focus and all things, and clicked a flower photo in garden. Though, it didnt come out good as a professional photographer should had, but as a 1st timer, I started on right note. Would be so fun doing this practicals daily, though wish college idiots had atleast 5 cameras, instead of 2 cameras for 15 students. /)

Thats all for now , with no promise of next blog sooner. ;)

Hasta la Vista!

Very Special Songs

2009-10-20T21:35:00.000+05:30

These songs are very special for me, not because they are very good(they are, infact most of them) but mainly because I used to listen them the most when I was through the close to death phase of life.

Dont know what, but whenever I listen them, a good feeling comes and takes me back to that time, and somehow its less terrifying and more pleasant. That's why I feel, sometimes its cool to revisit the bad phase of life(though it has its effects positively and negatively both ways).

Here are those songs :

Kahin toh hogi woh, Jaane tu mera/meri kya hai, Kabhi kabhi aditi - Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na (Its still hard for me to listen to these songs but every now and then, I manage to listen them)

Zindagi yeh safar mein hai - Dil Kabaddi (I remember how much fond of this song I was along with ehsan one during those mock tests days that I use to go and give in Delhi, and while coming back these songs use to be in my mind)

Yeh duniya hi jannat thi - Jism (I think I wrote about it in details in my last blog)

Tu Muskura and Dil Ka Rishta - Yuvvraaj (There is amazing feel that comes with these songs, especially tu muskura ka final 20 secs part, though these songs always reminds me of FF conflicts)

Alvida - Dasvidaniya (Used to love the line "zindagi na mil ajnabi banke")

Maahi, Maahi(rock) - Raaz the mystery continues (1st of the two songs that directly reminds me of 6th jan)

Tu ne re - Victory (2nd song)

Jalta hai dil, Duniya, Ranjhana - Dev D (they are just the songs you should not listen at such time which I ofcourse did)

Dil gira dafatan and Rehna Tu - Delhi6 (These were the first songs that acted as a shift to normal life for me, amazingly romantic)

There are many many more sad numbers, but then they are usual ones, doesnt really take me directly to that phase which these listed songs do. One reason to blog on these songs was ofcourse that I wanted to save them with me for future reference, while the second one is that it would be exactly a year in ten days time, so not a bad timing to write on it ;).

It may sound odd but bad memories should be touched again every now and then, to know how strong or weak you are now. I guess I aint strong yet but I aint too weak either now.

Thats it for now ...

P.S - Do check the film blog, I havent updated it yet but just managed to change the template and also the banner(did it manually on paint), so comments are welcome on it.

Hasta la Vista!

Not Happening ..

2009-10-17T19:13:00.001+05:30

Uff, the routine thing not working yet, just dont feel sleepy at 4 pm at all. Aneways, will post about it the day I manage to follow it, hopefully woh kal ka hi din ho.

These days are going mostly in watching films, also keen to read the new novel "2 states" of chetan bhagwat, feel it would be very good one as I have loved his all 3 novels till now and this one is on inter state marriage concept in India.

Film blog is still pending, but I have started working on it, if I manage to avoid sleep tonight then it will be done fully, fingers crossed :d . I have sooooooooooooo much to post, everything is there in brain but just need the will power to do it as it demands lots of hours work but in the end it would be very pleasing to have all the stuffs in the blog with me and ofcourse everyone else can also read it.

Also FF Video is pending :o .

Aneways, Diwali pooja time now(have to sit with family, majboori hai warna hum toh non religious hai), just waiting for chaval chole to eat :d , I simply love them on diwali day, there is something special in them this day, I am sure last year also I would had mentioned this thing in my blog post. :d

And ya I cant wish anyone happy diwali, just that I am not interested to fakely do it. Same for the new year. So, expect nothing from my side. :p

Hasta la Vista!

Yayy, New Routine again ...

2009-10-13T13:26:00.003+05:30

Uff, 8 pm routine worked for some days, then slowly took it to 9pm then 10 then 11 and now 12 :o . And end result, getting late daily for 1st lectures. Today, ended up missing colz even.

So, as always I come up with something new to effect a change. My new routine is, Sleep at 4pm daily and get up at 11pm, and then do net surfing and studies till 6 am and then get ready for colz.

Will this work ? I just dont know at all. But try karne mein kya jaata. Will begin this routine from tomorrow onwards, wanted to start from today only but janaab neend hi nahi ayegi aaj toh. :d

In college, there isnt anything interesting going yet, just theory theory and theory. Want Practical classesssssss. Though, learning a lot about camera, shooting techniques and little bit on scriptwriting. Infact, these days I have developed a certain liking for scriptwriting. Wanting to learn the basics of scriptwriting.

Anways thats it for now, Filmi blog is still where it was when i last wrote here. My next blog post would be on that only now, lets see how soon I can update the filmi blog.

Hasta la Vista!

Why cant Everyone remain happy!

2009-09-27T10:13:00.003+05:30

Thats the thought going around me these days. Wherever I see, ofcourse on net, people have this or that problem. Moment I see some happiness, some or other event happens, and same dull phase is visible in those ppl's life.

Is the span of happiness so short. Ofcourse, I dont want happiness for myself. But to see others happy makes you feel better, somehow you tend to manage days easily with them. But if they will also be like this then kaise chalega. It becomes harder to manage for me, sometimes it even takes me back to my bad phase which I dont want to go to again. But I cant hold myself if all the happenings around me would be such which is now.

Such is my thinking, even when I see a happy face amidst so many sad faces, I get a feeling who knows how long this person will be happy.

Thankfully, I have got a way to keep out of all this for the timebeing by devoting more time to Tv and Champions Trophy etc.

Also, going to watch lots of films in next 7 days, like Sankat City,The Departed,The Reader, Mumbai Meri Jaan, and rest films as I get them. (All first time)

Will also try to update other blog of films, its pending since 2-3 months now. Hoping I make it work this time. Hectic day coming up today, as this will be done today only along with so many albums to listen for FF Ratings. Ahh, I miss those Carnival or pre carnival days, wonder how long it will take for good time to come back, wonder why was it even allowed to go away.

Aneways, going to celebrate Dussehra in advance today by having complete day with food from outside, might sound silly but whenever there is a occasion I end up celebrating it by this way only, same the case for Diwali or New Year. Quite Boring ;) That reminds me of another thing, hmm will write on this in next post.

I hope everyone are back with smiling faces(look who is saying this :d).

Hasta la Vista!

Enough, Change in Routine!

2009-09-01T19:19:00.002+05:30

After attending just 2 classes in August, wanted to start September on a bright note but what to say, I got up late and had to skip classes again. Bad start to September which I didnt want at all.

So, I have decided I should do something else this might go on. From today, I will change my routine, early to bed and early rise. Sleeping at 8 pm daily and getting up around 4 or 5 am. This should work.

Lets see if my new plan is successful or not ..

Oops 8 bajne wale.. time to have dinner ..

Hasta la Vista!

Kaminey - Record made!

2009-08-31T19:20:00.004+05:30

I saw the film 6th time yesterday, which was my record to watch any film 6 times in theatre. Previous one was Rab ne bana di jodi - 5 times. Chak de India was 4 times and Love aaj kal also 4 times.

I just love watching the films which I personally love a lot more than 1 time, atleast 2 times toh pakka hi hota hai and if I end up madly loving them then toh more than 3 bhi. ;)

Infact, I also made a unique record.. of watching the film 1st show on Friday and then 2nd show again same day. Was so crazy in the kaminey fever.

Chalo dekhte hai .. next number kis film ka .. who breaks Kaminey Record of 6 times. :p

Stuck no-where ..

2009-08-09T10:36:00.006+05:30

Is it possible to care and not care for a person at same time? Can we love and hate a person at same time? So many questions whose answers arent coming at all to me.

Life goes on, we need to move on. Very common phrase used in our life. Sometimes, I wish we could stop time, stop it from going ahead. Stay where we are, if past was bad then who knows future may be worst.

Hasta la Vista!

Humne duniya ko bhula diya
ya duniya humko bhool gayi
yeh dhundli soch meri soche
yeh dhua kahan se uthta hai
inn tukdo tukdo yaadon mein
apna kaunsa hissa hai ....

First time!

2009-07-28T03:44:00.005+05:30

First Crush :
6th class on teacher

First Bunk :
I think I never bunked in school(strange), It must be during 1st semester of college.

First Movie in Theatre :
Its either Karam(John abrahim one) or Zehar(Emraan hasmi one) as I started watching films in theatre pretty late.

First Salary :
Jan 21st,2008 when Divs Sir handed 1000 rs for 1st set of movies work.

First Self Realization :
That I cry a lot, it was in 8th class when I cried just because a friend didnt play cricket with me. And later I thought how stupid of me to cry for it. And probably after that, I hardly cried for no reason.

First time drunk beer :
It was I think 7th class or 6th, when dad was having it with his friend at home. I happend to open the fridge to drink water, saw the bottle of beer, though to have little sip. It had terrible taste, decided not to taste it ever. But ofcourse, now when I have it, I love it. ;)

First Slap :
Many times, but the one I cant forget is the school one as it was the 1st time I was slapped by a girl because teacher of school thought I had spoken something bad about her previous day which was not right. Uff!

First time lied :
I lie a lot, so dont remember the 1st time at all.

First time cooked :
I think it was 5th or 6th class when Mom was ill and I made Chappatti(oval shaped) :d .

First Novel :
Chetan Bhagwat's Five Point Someone and I loved it fully, so much that decided to make reading Novels my activity.

First Online Girlfriend(best friend) :
Diksha :d .. itne saal ho gaye.. abhi bhi no contacts, ab toh shaadi bhi ho gayi ho shaayd :p

I guess itne kaafi .. aur yaad nahi aa rahe ... ;)

Hasta la Vista!

The Day Coming Closer ..

2009-07-28T03:18:00.004+05:30

Na, not talking about 3rd aug, college isnt a worry. Thinking of 10th august, every time that date brings something in life, usually I enjoy or wait the most for this day to come. There are many people who love to celebrate their birthday fully and I am probably one of those.

Last year, was probably 1st time when I didnt enjoy it, reason was well known. And last year, I had decided that I will make it up next year. But now, I am not supposed to celebrate it. Even though I have changed birth date to 21st Feb, still just like the old name, this 10th aug birth date keeps me thinking.

Funny thing is when at one side I am going to run away from this day, at same time, I am sure I will be checking who is trying to wish Punnu and how etc etc things. Somehow, not able to fully take mind and heart away from this date. And until that happens, I will remain in middle where I cant celebrate this day and cant even forget this day.

I hope I will manage this coming august, because if I do it this time, then I think I will get enough courage to do it every year. Just like when we do something for 1st time, we are nervous and tensed if we can do it or not, same here. Though additional problem is how to tackle family, friends can be done with.

Hoping for best.. Comments closed!

Hasta la Vista!

Passion - Can it last forever!

2009-07-18T02:14:00.004+05:30

Everyone has some passion or other in their life, Some have passion to blog(not me, though I like blogging) , some have passion of acting, some have passion of dancing, some have passion of singing and there are some who have passion of eating too :d .

Coming on serious note, Can a person's Passion last his/her whole life. I mean atleast that part of life when he/she is fully active and ready to do anything for their passion. I had passion of watching Cricket non stop during school age, but it decreased now with passage of time. I had passion of playing games on pc, though I play them still but again not the same passion. Though, these both are more to do with the time shortage, as other things have come in life like orkut etc :d.

I was just thinking today, probably the reason I am blogging right now. Will my passion for films last or will it decrease with time. Like now I anxiously wait for any film's new promo(not just fav stars), or any new album by good composers. I end up going for any new film which seems to be good even if it has no big starcast. But, say after 15-20 years, will this same passion be there in me. Or will it slide down too like past ones due to arrival of new things in life though I wonder what new has to come now in life :o . Even my career if it goes like the way I want then it would be revolving around Films only unless I dont succeed ofcourse.

Aneways, Lets see what answer I get in future to this question. May be I will come after 15 years and reply myself to this very post(provided this blog stays there till then). :p

Hasta la Vista!

Dard e Tanhaayi

2009-07-17T00:38:00.004+05:30

I was just remembring my old blog and thats the reason why I ended up humming the ever famous lines, "main aur meri tanhaayi" which I had deleberately taken as my blog name last year in July.

I just love these 2 Shayaris both delivered by Amitabh Bachchan in Kabhi Kabhi and Silsila .. Amazing lines and very real too, can so much connect to them ..

Kabhi Kabhi :

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
ki zindagi teri zulfon ki narm chaayon mein
gujarne paati
toh sadaab ho bhi sakti thi
yeh ranjho gham ki siyaahi jo dil pe
chaayi hai
teri nazar ki suahon mein kho bhi sakti thi
magar yeh ho na saka

magar yeh ho na saka aur ab yeh aalam hai
ki tu nahi
tera gham
teri justjoo bhi nahi
gujar rahi hai kuch iss tarah zindagi jaise
isse kisi ke sahare ki aarzoo bhi nahi
na koi raah
na manzil
na roshni ka suraagh
bhatak rahi hai andhero mein zindagi meri
inhi andhero mein reh jayunga kabhi kho kar
main jaanta hoon meri hum nafas
magar yun hi
kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai ..

Silsila :

main aur meri tanhaayi
aksar yeh baatein karti hai
ki
tum hoti toh kaisa hota
tum yeh kehti
tum woh kehti
tum iss baat pe hairaan hoti
tum uss baat pe kitna hasti
tum hoti toh aisa hota
tum hoti toh waisa hota
main aur meri tanhaayi
aksar yeh baatein karti hai ..

Yeh raat hai
yeh tumhari zulfein khuli huyi hai
hai chandni ya tumhari nazrein se
meri raatien dhuli huyi hai
yeh chand hai ya tumhara kangan
sitaare hai ya tumhara aanchal
hawa ka jhonka hai ya tumhare badan ki khushboo
yeh pattiyon ki hai sarsarahat
ke tumne chupke se kuch kaha hai
yeh sochta hoon main kab se gumsum
ke jab ki mujhko bhi yeh khabar hai
ke tum nahi ho , kahin nahi ho
magar yeh dil hai ke keh raha hai
ke tum yahin ho, yahin kahin ho ... ;)

Hasta la Vista!

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na - 1 Year Journey!

2009-07-04T19:42:00.003+05:30

The Journey for the film began from July 4th, 2008 when I saw the film 1st time and related it to my own life so much and since then there has been no stopping me. Everything has happened in this journey - laughs, cries, fights.

Even opposed friends who tried to speak against the film ofcourse at that time couldnt control feelings though still cant. I remember that person in Filmi Freak community who told me that at age of 40, my views about love and film will change, ab tak toh nahi ho paaye change aage dekhte ;) .

It took time for me to adjust to the songs after all what has happened but now I have made the adjsutments and can again listen the songs and enjoy them even if its painful at times. There was a time when Kahin toh hogi was the no1 "Most played" track in my mobile. Now, its not even in top20. Hoping to see it back in the list soon.

I just hope I never meet those people in life who dont like this film, atleast they never talk about such stuff in front of me else it will make me very angry :D.

Congrats Jai, Aditi and all the gang of friends ....

Hoping my love never changes for anyone of them...

Hasta la Vista!

My Funda's to stay Happy!

2009-07-01T02:16:00.006+05:30

Kitna ajeeb lagta to write on this topic, when I prefer to remain sad mostly. :d

Aneways, back to topic.. Here are my ways to stay Happy unless I am in total bad mood ;)

1. Watch fav scenes from films or promos on Youtube.

2. Listen to some dance or masti type songs.

3. Flirt with girls. :d

4. Watch any comedy serial/film.

5. Have masti with friends online ;)

6. Bring rain :D (ofcourse I cant), its fun when its raining outside and you are in okk mood .. it will be transformed into happy mood then.

7. Listen sensous/seducing songs. :)) (jab naughty banna ho) :p

8. Remember the good times spent with those ppl who still are there and means lot to u :p

9. Stay away from things that irritates you

10. Do what you love doing inspite knowing others feel its not the right path. :p

Yeh sab hai mere Funda's to stay Happy ;)

Waise thinking to post My funda's to stay sad next time :)) . .

Hasta la Vista!

India out of World Cup!

2009-06-16T03:25:00.002+05:30

It was a superb match, yet India loosing by just 3 runs. Wonder what costed India the match, those 10 wides by Harbhajan or Jadeja's promotion in batting ahead of Yuvraj. Whatever it was, India lost and are now out.

But the one thing I wonder is I always speak against India, be it with friends in real or on net. Yet, while watching match I am always with India hoping it wins from nowhere. I do not support India yet I support India.

Aneways, back with my Jashn songs. More on that in the Film blog.

Hasta la Vista!

Admission Done!

2009-06-03T01:52:00.003+05:30

Finally, got admission in one of the college. Its Noida's Aaft academy, though I wanted to get admission in Xaviers of Mumbai but couldnt clear the entrance. And there werent any big film schools left in option. Trying to be happy with it , will take time to adjust.

Admission was quite simple, they had a simple aptitude test which was more of a formality only. But Interview as always was tough to handle. At some points, in a attempt to sound confident, I gave a look of overconfidence which was my downfall in one question but I accepted my mistake during the interview to make the effect lessen :D . Overall, it was a nice interview, atleast better then the last interview which I had given. But what a strange history, I have given 2 interviews in my life so far and both times I have been selected :O :P .

Classes are from Aug 3, so a long time which I have to spend without any tension of college. Right now just trying to find some good pg place to stay. And hopefully, I might get things to write after College starts as I am totally short of ideas to blog these days. :p

Also, World Cup begins from tomorrow. Nice time pass for 15 days, My favs are India, South Africa and Australia. ;) And hopefully, I do well in the fantasy game(Jua) :D .

Thats it for now..

Hasta la Vista!

Xaviers Entrance - Not Good Enough ..

2009-05-11T01:02:00.005+05:30

I had my entrance exam for xaviers college of Mumbai. As expected was nervous, but the 1st Section of the Paper gave some confidence as found it very easy. Somehow, started enjoying doing the question paper. Time was never a problem in the entire time span of paper. But 2nd last question just puzzled me up. To write a essay on 'Modern Technology owes Ecology an apology'. Unfortunately, I had no clue what this topic is. I guessed Ecology means Nature which was almost right yet I ended up messing the answer for the question. Now, when I think of it I feel this question could ruin everything despite the fact I had done 7 questions quite well. Uff!

Still, the expectations of sneaking through somehow are there, results will be out any day in next 5 days. And what bad way to check results. They will post the names of students who are cleared to appear for interview. So, I am supposed to see the list daily and hope once the next list comes, it has my name in it. This is so painful to do. It reminds me of a scene from Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa where Shahrukh's results are out and he asks Tiku Talsania to check out the results for him as he is scared to check it himself. And as a viewer, the guess is right he hasn't passed and he quickly holds newspaper from Tiku to confirm it himself by rechecking the passed students list. Hmm!

Aneways, Fingers crossed! Hoping for the best as after all if I clear this, I would not only get a chance to appear for Interview but also a Mumbai trip in addition to it. :d

Time to sign off, hoping the title of my next post here is - "Results Out- Me Passed" .

Hasta la Vista!

Dull Phase on ...

2009-04-28T04:03:00.003+05:30

Very big phase full of boredom is on, though there is some kind of relief in the form of IPL Cricket matches. By the way, my fav is Mumbai Indians as always I get attracted towards Mumbai despite the fact that my fav hero Srk is owning Kolkata Knight Riders team. Aneways, KKR are doing very badly so far, so it was good I chose Mumbai from the starting only .

Talking about the dull phase, its more due to the strike of producers and distributors that has meant no new films to be released since April 3rd, and thats quite a long time period. Still no surety if big films will arrive in May or not. Hopefully, strike ends sooner. Missing those burgers and pepsi, those trailers,advertisements and intermissions and the cool air conditioned halls.

Also, I have Mumbai's Xaviers colz entrance exam slated on 10th May. 20 marks for G.K and rest 80 marks for media/films related stuff. Would spend some time preparing for it, read a issue of magazine today only. Though its highly boring stuff, had gone through all this in November for Simc colz but have to still do it . Uff!

Nothing more to write about, hopefully I will get some good topics to write on in coming days as these magazine do have some interesting stuffs to talk about.

For now,

Hasta la Vista!

Graduation Degree !

2009-03-27T14:22:00.001+05:30

Na na, I didnt wear this traditional dress black and all that, as I didnt even go when the Degree was to be distributed on Feb 5th. Wasnt much keen to visit old classmates for no reason though.

But finally on March 26, 2009, I got my graduation degree. Wasnt really sure, what actually we get in it. Quite a normal certificate, but the most important key word in the certificate was "First Division" ;) .

And as is the case, I was made to wait and wait to get it, went at 12:30 and was told to come at 2:30. Somehow, spent time sitting in the park,visiting the near dhaaba which used to be the main place to go in lunch during college days.

Was carefully listening to 2 boys and 2 girls group talking about their future plans, seems they were in 2nd year. Interestingly, I never cared to think of it even in 4th year.

Finally, 2:30 pm arrived, and now I am told to write a application, when I go to give application, I am provided with another form to fill with. These college people just dont let give you something easily at all.

Oh wait, that wasnt it all, when I gave signed application and form, Sir takes my degree out of so many degrees kept there(seems I wasnt too late, many are yet to take it). And then he asks me, whats the proof that you are not someone else taking the degree and not a real person. It took me 2 mins to realize that I had brought last semester roll no slip with me. That saved the day for me, else this Sir would had made me go home to bring proof that I am real :d.

So, At 3:15 , I got hold of my graduation degree... First division.. yay! Ya, I know that I havent done anything noteworthy to talk high of first division degree. But still having a degree in hand is a good feeling. ;)

While coming back from college, as I always use to do, I went to a Nimbu pani stand, where I always use to go in Summers during college days and probably had last glass of Nimbu pani from him and it seems that he did identify me too .

All in all, nice day it was, so what if I was made to wait and frustrate a bit as after all nothing comes easy in life.

Hasta la Vista!

Koi Hai........ ?

2009-03-21T19:22:00.003+05:30

Havent blogged here since long, so Thought just check out if anyone even comes here :d .

Comment back so that I know idhar kuch future mein likhne ka use hai bhi ya nahi, else Private blog I already have :p.

I have deleted some of the posts of this blog as didnt want to keep them.

And ya, the blog is open now for all, and I even made Film blog active again.

Regarding this blog, aaj kal koi topic hi nahi milta so not posting much, Will post here soon whenever will have something to write.... :d

Hasta la Vista!

Delhi6 - Saw Abhishek in real !

2009-02-23T01:10:00.003+05:30

Today, I saw Delhi6 second time in theatre. When I reached there, the security was very high with red carpets all around, the ticket ppl wearing coats and later realized it was Abhishek Bachchan who was supposed to enter the hall for few mins. He came around 10 mins before the interval and talked to the ppl on mic for 5 mins saying that I hope you all like the film as its very good film. One person asked in the audience that where is Masakalli? Abhishek replied to it that Masakalli couldnt come. :p

Though the Bodyguards that were there looked really heavy sized :D. I did click 3 photos but it was so dark in hall that they didnt come out clearly at all. :p It was infact the 1st instance that I ever saw a Bollywood Person in real. ;)

Coming to Film now, Delhi6 is a special film for me because it sort of represents India by taking Delhi as the backdrop. So many things are showcased in this 2 hr 15 mins film like lower caste thing or bribery or living of middle class girl who wants to be free and live own life and many more.

The message of the film is so good,

Jharre jharre mein ussi ka noor hai
jhaank khud mein woh na tujhse door hai
ishq hai usse toh sabhi se ishq kar
yehi iss duniya ka dastoor hai

and also the mirror message to look into the mirror and see the black monkey in urself(i.e bad side of urs,the evil side).

That was the only reason that the audio cd of Delhi6 has a mirror on the cover ;)).

Fav Dialogues :

Kaun jaaye zauq par dilli ki galiyaan chor kar

Rest dialogues kal update maarunga as pc pe dekhunga 3rd time. :p

Hasta la Vista!

Jaane kyun - Veer Zaara

2009-02-09T02:48:00.004+05:30

Hmm, Sorry nothing to post regarding me, so another post on bollywood.

This is a song from Veer Zaara, I think it wasnt used in the film and I have heard it just 3-4 times but its very good one. Sung by Lata Mangeshkar. Here are its lyrics,

Jaane kyun
khawabo ka mausam hai
aur main hoon
mausam hai
aur main hoon

jaane kyun yaadon ki shabnam hai
aur main hoon
shabnam hai
aur main hoon

yaadein laayi hai
khushiyan bhi aansoo bhi
jaane kyun ek aisa sangam hai
aur main hoon
aur sangam hai
aur main hoon

barse jo rang itne saare
rangeen huye sab nazaare
lekin mera dil kahin bhi
lagta nahi bin tumhare
tumko bas tumko
dil dhoondhe dil maange
jaane kyun har lamha
yeh sitam hai
aur main hoon
yeh sitam hai
aur main hoon

yeh vaadiyaan ab so gayi hai
kohre mein hi kho gayi hai
saari fiza saans roke
ghumsum si ab ho gayi hai
saari duniya mein ab koi nahi
jaane kyun bas mera
humdum hai
aur main hoon
humdum hai
aur main hoon

jaane kyun yaadon ki shabnam hai
aur main hoon
shabnam hai
aur main hoon

yaadein laayi hai
khushiyan bhi aansoo bhi
jaane kyun ek aisa sangam hai
aur main hoon
aur sangam hai
aur main hoon!

< ---- >

Hasta la vista!

Show me jannat ?

2009-01-30T19:08:00.004+05:30

It takes around 15 mins to reach theatre from auto for me, but today after returning from Victory film. I ended up walking back home, either it was something related to film that struck inside me or it was again the people around that made me feel uncomfortable as I dont quite like watching anyone now(ofcourse leaving aside friends).

Few days back,when I had gone to shopping then also I felt uncomfortable when I saw small cute kids. Aneways, coming to today's event, there was some sort of emotions inside and some anger which both conincided with each other and I just kept walking. I was so lost in the thoughts that almost had a accident when a car hurried while turning and I managed to take my next step back in just the right time.

But I finally had burger today,outside food after hmm 28 days :d . I was thinking to start dieting but I guess I am already sort of doing it by eating food just 2 times since last 25 days, so will continue this routine only, isse jyada kiya toh chakkar na aa jaaye :o .

Talking of film, I quite loved it,full details on orkut abt film. Things which I couldnt write there were about Tu ne re song, its a special song as whenever I listen it, it reminds me of her, call it coincidence or call it anything but during our last two final talks, this was the song running in my pc :) . And its romantic plus emotional, so it serves the purpose :d .

But I loved these lyrics of Money Money song, jannat chahiye toh follow this, lekin galat raasta hai soch ke :d

zinda hai wahi
wahi aish kare
jo iss duniya ko bas cash kare
Hass ke gunaah kar le
kal ho na ho deewane
aa manmaani kar le ;)
badlegi badlegi teri kismat ;)

zeher mein doobi naak zindagi
jalti sulagti aag zindagi
jee le tu bebak zindagi
life is lust,life is sexy,life is sizzling with sensation
jeena kaisa sambhal sambhalke
kehta hai parwana jalke ;)

beetein kal ki yaad bula de
har vaada har baat bula de
har rishte ko aag laga de :)
life is crazy
khatra kaisa
kya gunaah hai
tujhko iski kya parwaah hai
tu apni duniya ka khuda hai

duniya pe haq mera hai
main jiss tarah pe jee lun
jeene pe haq hai mera :o :o
haan yeh hai yehi hai meri jannat :d

Hasta la vista!